Well I'm putting myself out there

And as a result, literally 15 minutes after posting my resume...I got a call for an interview on Tuesday for a number of jobs all paying twice as much as I make now.

Thank God.

I'm sure Akira is very thankful too since he's been carrying most of the load lately.  

*head hits desk*

I got my hair colored. LOL.  Anytime a major change is happening, I usually take it out on my hair.

I also chopped off about 8 inches off the length.  Akira was happy about the color but not the cut, lol, but I've been working just about as much as he is now, and my main goal was to sleep as long as possible in the mornings, and my hair was just taking up too much of my time.  I also changed my make up to a much faster applying one.  I know most women wake up before the sun to make themselves look perfect, but fuck that shit, I need my sleep.  It's great make up, it's called Pur Minerals ladies, literally takes 30 seconds to apply.  

Tada, the power of powder makeup.

I lost my law suit that I thought that got dropped because my lawyer told me it got dropped, so I lost because I didn't show up to the trail.  So the police came into my work to serve me wage garnishment papers, so that was fun.  It took me two days to find my lawyer that was dodging me, and have him help me file for an appeal.  So now that stopped the wage ordeal as well as ensured a trail to where I can fight back the SOBs who claim I owe them any money back from an ordeal that was THEIR FAULT when I was 23 (I'm 28 now).  If I lose, I'll have to file bankruptcy, so...this summer has been tough.

I'm looking for admin. assistant jobs now, since I'm great at running everyone else's life except for my own.  I'm praying to find something good soon, because I don't think I could stand having the down time of not working.  Right now even weekends depress me when I have nothing to do.

I hope my next boss will be a woman...or at least a mainly female environment because I'm also sick of falling into toilets of poorly lit bathrooms.

 I've just been really stressed, and I can't drink right now due to my detox, so it sucks because I can't just...turn off.

Anyhow...Akira and I are doing well.  I still think he has a semi-crush on one of his employees, but it could all be in my head.

Akira finally got jealous in Alabama when he met some of the guys that are still in love with me.  Ever since then, he seems to hold me closer.  So that's good I guess.  I warned him, I got proposed to 7 times before he met me...so.... :-/  At least I feel like he's very much into me now.  He's been a really great guy lately.  I hope it stays that way. 

Everyone tells me that I'm just really bad with change and that's why I'm so stressed out...I just hope it all changes for the better. 

Mini update

I'm a zombie because I had some horrible nightmares last night so pardon me if I don't make any sense lol.

First of all, I want to say thank you to my few but totally awesome readers.  I don't think my life is very exciting, but it's always pretty weird and dramatic, looool.  So thank you for checking up on me and seeing if I'm okay...I'm okay loooool. 

I had a string of friends die over the summer...and it landed me back home in Alabama for a week...which was interesting.  It had been 8 years since I had gone back home (I left at 20) and while it was nice to see everyone and to show Akira around...it only enforced the fact that it's pretty impossible for me to live a happy life there.  (I'm not Christian, I'm a half breed married to a Japanese guy...I think everyone looked at us like we were crazy) Plus you know, I'm hitting 30 without kids, which is unheard of in the rural swamps of Alabama where I grew up.  So yeah...but it was still kinda fun despite the fact another friend died while we were there and the weather was nuts. 

I came home to learn that our business is going under.  I haven't been allowed access to any accounting records for about a year now so I'm not sure how we could be suffering so badly.  This is now resulting in me looking for a new job, probably a paralegal job since I'm lovingly nicknamed "Firecracker" but the residing judge here everytime I enter his courtroom.  I also made another decision...

I'm going to retake my LSATs (since they expired) and see if I can get a scholorship for law school.  It looks like Akira's contract is going to last a lot longer then we expected...so my fear of a big move is on hold so I figured...well...may as well try for it.  I was accepted at Chapman Law (partner of Stanford Law) when I was 23...but my LSATs were amazing.  I'm really sad they expired...but I heard some schools average out all attempts at the test, so maybe that'll be good because it's been a long time since I've studied for them. 


But I have gotten a lot of closure this summer.  I am off Prozac and even though life hasn't been all butterflies and unicorns, I'm very grateful and happy. 

I gained some weight getting off my meds...so I'm using a weight doctor to get back down again.

Other than that...not loving the tight budget but that will hopefully change soon.

Bitterly thankful

Well we got 2/3 of the finances figured out, and for the time being ,I'm fine with that.  I was getting super upset over the fact that we weren't saving money for things like...a house... or a family.... the only thing that was being saved was Akira's school money (he has a side dream of us going back to Japan to live...during this time I'm to be an English teacher and he's to go back to school for his masters and be a stay at home dad...I'm not exactly very supportive of the idea, if he wants his masters he can do it online and work just like every adult has to...kids are expensive and a masters isn't very useful.  Ph.D yes...masters...no).  So I started to get paranoid because I had nothing in my name, everything was under Akira's name.  Then I got upset that his other account wasn't being regulated by him or myself...then he had unfiled expense reports and what not...

Anyhow, I got pissed at what a poor job the money was being handled.  Very wife of me right?  It's just fucking stupid to not know what is going on because now we are building a life together.

Anyhow...it's somewhat taken care of. 

I will be back in Alabama soon... for a funeral of my best friend's sister.  It's been horrible and a sad ordeal and I haven't been home in 8 years...so I'm sad and scared at the same time.

So that's stressful.

The sweet girl in my Japanese class switched teachers so now my classes are even more expensive...but in all fairness I understand her choice and she's a lovely geek doll. 

I'm talking to one of my ex friends again...just because of the streak of my friends dying off this month, I felt like trying to mend things. 

I just feel really stressed out.

I also found out I'm deathly allergic to chlorine, and had to have Akira change the filters in our bathrooms and kitchen because I started to blister EVERYWHERE.  I'm not slightly covered in scars from the experience...so I'm pissed off about that because now I'm wearing long sleeves in the summer.

I'm happy it got fixed though.

Akira has been more active at home now...so that's good...I was starting to feel extremely alone in all of it.

We've been more loving to each other.  That also helps.  More physical contact...which is something I've been craving as well...

So again...there are downs and ups...

Our immigration interview is on July 10...so I'll do a decent greencard update after that.

I'm working six days a week now too...  yay....

At least I have a job.

Two Prozacs later...

I don't know what it is that makes me worry about Akira cheating.

He really hasn't shown any signs...I guess it's just because he omits a lot of details in his life that it makes me uneasy...

But there really isn't a real reason for me to worry...

It's not like there is anyone that would dare cross me...female wise...at least not yet.

I would say, oh he would never hurt me because of his family... but I'm not very sure of that, haha.  It seems to be traditional in that sense, but that's okay.

The point is...I KNOW there's no reason for me to worry.

So...how do I get rid of this feeling?

Western?????????

Alright..

So I guess I should discuss how "western" Japanese weddings are performed.

First of all, the couple having the wedding are usually married to start with.  I  don't know why the Japanese do this...but usually they are married a year or more before the actual wedding.  Some people have told me couples marry before their weddings in order to "test" the marriage.  Since most marriages seem to be marriages not based on romantic love, but more on common interests...I guess it's good that there seems to be a testing period.  Another reason why there is a delay in weddings is because the couple themselves, pay for the wedding.  The average wedding is around $20,000 or higher. 

This would be reasonable in a way because the guests usually give the couple $300-$3000 as a wedding gift.  No guest can get away with giving nothing.  No gifts, no cards...just money.

Now, 'western' weddings are held in businesses that are made to "look" western like.  It is in no way close to being western....but it's very clear how the Japanese view westerners when you're placed in a twilight zone like of a Japanese attempt of a western wedding. 

Everything is rented, down to the wedding dress.  There are "rooms" with the top "room" in the stage of a church.  Not a bible can be found in the entire building usually.  No real vows are said...it's just basically a place where pictures are taken.  The families have already been formally introduced in a "waiting" room, this is also where the large sums of cash are given to the couple. 

After the "ceremony" there's another picture moment...and then the tossing of the flowers.  After this is a dinner...and that's where it feels more like a normal wedding. 

No dancing though. 

A lot of talking.  Surprisingly...a lot of bosses and professors talking. 

It's all very Japanese.  Just pure ceremony for the hell of it.  I had a hard time finding real meaning in it all...and just tossed it aside and focused on how the Japanese must view it as a show of passage from one family "house" to another, new "house" forming.  I'm sure traditional Shinto weddings find their ways into these ceremonies as well...because even in Shinto weddings, no one could really explain to me what goes on because no one really cares why they are doing it.  It's just the fact that there is a ceremony and it be done correctly with all the correct responses while spending a butt load of money on it. 

The actual process of getting married is even drier.  Again no vows, no personal promises...it's just a legal contract that you "sign" with your family stamp.  You can do it at a pay window even. 

So...while I enjoyed very much watching my sister in law get "married", I did tell my mother in law that I had no desire to do the same.  I'm sure a lot of Akira's family finds this disappointing...but the truth is...I really don't understand the point of spending a down payment on a home on something that's just pure cermorony.  Nothing legal or official about it.  It's 100% pointless...western view speaking.

I also had a hard time understanding why something costs so much when everything down to the pearls were rented. 

I don't know about some of you other wives, but I look at my dress at least once a week.  I can't image renting something so precious.  But again...the Japanese don't understand what these dresses really stand for..... so I guess it's just a big scam in the wedding industry over there. 

Not saying that it takes away any of the sweetness though.  I still cried like a baby through a good part of it.  And they fully included me as part of the family and were beyond kind to me.

I love Akira's family.

It's just the wedding industry there....it's very much in the phrase of "what the fuck Japan?!"

Here's a sample...

http://www.seiyaku.com/seiyaku/en/western-wedding.html

Still here!

Sorry about the month of silence.  Clearly a lot has been going on.

First....I finally went to Japan and enjoyed the absolute shit out of it!!!!

I still had a lot of people scared of me, but I would instantly start talking to them and they all ended up super warm and friendly, and I got a lot of random gifts from people who just thought I was very cute and funny.  Akira's uncle gave me a pink pearl necklace just on that fact...which was awkward because no one knew how to react to him giving me such a gift, but I wear it all the time now.  LOL.

A number of people thought I was a Disney princess hahaha, so anytime Akira told them no I'm his wife, they'd look at us confused, haha.  Some business men told him good job.  Hahaha.  The immigration officers at the airport kept showing each other my picture and told me I was beautiful.  So instantly...just on arriving, I felt better, haha. 

It makes such a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference being able to talk to people in Japanese.  Oh my goodness... 

I didn't get lost in the Tokyo Station this time either. 

I wasn't skinny this time either...I ended up leaving Japan at the weight of 150 pounds :-(.  But again, I probably got more positive attention then negative.  

The wedding was pretty cute, a little funny, but over all extremely sweet.  Akira's father formally introduced to  everyone as his daughter, and we did all the bowing and the politeness and what not.  Akira's sister had me up with her a few times, and I even got to hold her hand and walk her around as she said her hellos from table to table. 

Isn't she just beautiful???

The after party, after I was pretty buzzed, I ended up smashed at the party.  I got drawn to be on stage to compete in a "how fast can you eat a soy bar and drink down lemon juice" contest.  I would have won but the guys competing with me kept making jokes and I kept laughing so much I couldn't eat.  I even took the microphone and was talking to everyone and everyone was cheering.  I felt like a rock star. 

After the wedding, and all of us were hung over.  His little sister had thrown up all night while his mom cried all night and we were all together drunk in a hotel room (the wine my mother in law drank was labeled "happy wine" lol) ...we staggered to the bullet train and went to Nagaoka.  :-D  Again, his family was great, we went to his uncle's again and got new glasses.

 

 

I know you can't really see it but I'm also wearing the pearls, loool.

 

 

It was just so much fun!  I could shop, I could order food, I could read somewhat...  And then, his family took us to this super fancy sushi place for my sister in law's and mine birthdays!  Again we got smashed, and that was again super fun.

 

We saw the cherry blossoms!  We went to a massive Shinto Shrine and his mom formally wished us happiness, and I wished to be a good family member...and so on and so forth.  We went to two castles and a beautiful wasabi farm.

 

 

It was a really great trip.  It looks like in August we will try to go again for Hanabi....  but we'll see.

 

:-D

 

From my D+ first time to a soring A+++ this time.

 

I still got a little turned off by some things, but now...I understand enough on how to avoid unpleasantness. LOL.

 

 

Sorry for the weirdness of this photo, I didn't sleep well last night looool, but here's a shot of the pearl necklace...pink and the pearls are from Japan and the charm is a sakura <3.