I've spent the past year searching around for people on and offline who are American born and raised women of non-Asian decent...with a born and raised Japanese man...of pure Japanese decent (which is pretty much all of them). Well....I hardly found anyone...and the ones I did find I found extremely depressing, or selfish, or rude or just plain stupid. So....welcome to my blog. I'm currently living (for the past year) with a Japanese salaryman, who is 25, fluent in english, and is working at a Japanese company here in California til 2013 in which then we will move to Japan. We plan on marrying in October (or sooner, eloping is seeming more and more appealing as we're realizing the cost of everything)...and no, I have yet to set foot in Japan. (So I'm sure that'll be fun to read...massive culture shock I'm sure). I am a 26 year-old American woman, of German decent (thanks to my blond, blue eyed mother who did the match making with the Jman I'm with) and of Persian decent (my father...so I'm like a lighter, saner version of Kim Kardashian).
I'm raised pretty evenly with western and eastern ideals...I've been engaged to both American men and middle eastern men...and had a guess a long fling with Saudi royality which ended with me throwing a packed suitcase at his cheating head...so my point is...I'm not inexperinced in men, nor am I a push over....however...I am a traditionalist. I do believe in male and female roles, but I also believe that women should always work (since bored women turn into evil trolls) and I do believe that relationships are a partnership and if the man is working 14 hours a day, it's a piece of cake to have a decent meal and a bath ready for him. I don't see any shame in that. If the roles were reversed, which at times they were, I know for sure he would do the same for me.
The point of my blog is to show women that Japanese men aren't these selfish, backwards, womomaziers that almost everyone is claiming them to be (however rarely any of them have evidence of this, nor do I see any true abuse). And since I've had true abusive relationships (with Saudis) and have had beatings, and have been unaccepted by familes and have been kept secret and abondoned at airports...let me say something....Japanese men are pretty damn nice guys.
I think a lot of western women have issues with Japanese men because most of us are not use to cooking, cleaning, keeping our manners even when we're boiling, waiting for him to come home, and things like that...but that by no means is THEIR fault. It's just different. Persian men are the same. My father worked around the clock and when he came home, there was dinner, and I would usually come and rub his feet or give him control of the remote...and that's not letting go of feminism...that's allowing the poor man to rest! Think about it...if someone in the household is busting ass to provide...then everyone else should join in the hard work too. Be it...kids making the beds, or wives cooking dinner...or not yelling at the poor guy for missing dinner cause he was trapped in a meeting...things like that.
Now that's if you trust the man, if you think the guy is lying and his meetings happen to be at strip clubs (which happened to me at the start of my relationship) then by all means it's time to lay down the law. But if he's whinning cause he wants to be mothered or if he's sad because his job seems hopeless to him...then don't critize the poor guy...he's had enough of it.
I'm a horrible cook. I am. But God knows, when I see my man come home, tired with his heavy briefcase...I'm sure as hell learning to do my best. And that's what I'm getting at...just because Japanese men aren't very expressive doesn't mean they aren't trying just as hard as you are...believe me they are...and I'm sure it's very hard to adjust to a western woman just like it's hard for us to adjust to an Eastern man..but I believe it's completely worth it because the kindest men I have ever met in my life...the kindest people...are Japanese people.
So..with that said....I'll write a few entries on how we met, and what our lives are like and the adjusting of it all, but the entire point I want to make is....give the guys a break and try to accept some sort of balance between gender roles.
Of course I could be eating all of this up once I go to Japan but who knows. The thing I want to do is try to record as fairly as possible my relationship with my Jman...or whatever...haven't decided if I should use his name or not.
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