My mother is recently laid off, but for the past three years she worked for a Japanese company in their American branch (clearly cause we're not in Japan). Anyhow, during these three years, off and on there came a young Japanese man who spoke flawless english and who my mother just adored. Also during these years, I was in two very abusive and very damaging relationships...so in her last year of work...I had closed myself off from the world, and entirely away from men.
The company that my mother and my now current Jman, is a massive food company, and from what I hear, is the number one food company in Japan. Anyhow, one night after work, I was feeling down and out, and decked out in my pink sweats when my mother called me and asked me if I would like to eat with her to test the new menu at one of the locations the company owned. To be honest, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was sad, I was pretty sure I was getting sick, and I wasn't hungry. Those days, all I did was work out, go to work, and go to bed (I worked 12 hour days...so I used that as an excuse to all my friends on why I was in hiding...but truth was...I was completely broken and completely terrified of the world at that point).
Anyhow, it's an hour drive to my mother's, and I was living with her because...well...I had ran away from everything but work and my mother didn't think it was a good idea for me to live alone, or to live with anyone but her. (She was right about that now that I look back). Anyhow...the week before I had joined her for dinner with her two Japanese female coworkers (and now our best friends, but it was the second time I ever met them) and the topic came up on when I would start dating again. Everyone had been pushing me to date. I'm blessed by being easy on the eyes...and if I don't speak...or move, I come off as a very elegnant, doll like girl...however, when I do talk, or move, I'm clumsby and I'm very dorky and nerdy. Everyone who ever gets to know me tell me that I shocked them because I look so stuck up, until you finally say hi to me (cause I'm also shy) and then well...heels make me trip and Star Trek makes my heart flutter...and I'm usually always dressed up...so I'm sure I come off as a kid. I feel like a kid. I feel like most of the time I'm just pretending to be an adult, but that's a different manner. The point is, almost everyday of my life since I was 16, I get asked out. At gas stations, coffee houses, work, stuck in traffic on the freeway...and you'd think the attention would boost my esteem but I'm so frighten of people that I actually have a fear of crowds. So...my answer is always no. No dinner, no ice cream, no you cannot touch my hair, no I don't really work here, no I don't want to pull over, and no I don't want your number. However...when you're about to turn 26...everyone starts pushing you into the marriage stage of your life, and people were starting to ask me what was wrong with me.
Nothing was wrong with me. I was left at the alter at 20 by the only man I had ever been with, I had been engaged to a man who was already married, and then to a man who beat the abosolute crap out of me a week before he left me with nothing at the airport (except scars on my legs where he had stabbed me with keys and a fake engagement ring). And just a line of losers....so I was done with it. I had decided that I was just over it. My healthy relationships all ended due to my race...of combination of race I guess I should say. I was too American for a middle easterner and too middle easterner for an American...so I was just over all screwed and truly just had had it with men.
So whenever mother's friends were pushing me to go out there and be brave, I smiled and stayed polite, but I truly never ever wanted to be with anyone ever again. So it was an effort to get me to leave the house unless it was something dealing with work or family. So I unwillingly accepted my mother's invite (since it would help her with work) and went in my sweats from work to the little diner.
While we were at the diner, the conversation was brought up again on when I would start dating again..and my mother brought up once again, the young hot shot that worked with her. I told her that there was no way a Japanese man would be attracked to a woman who had a large ass and brown hair when suddenly, the guy came in! I, of course, had no idea who the guy was, but he walked on in with another Japanese salaryman and sat behind us. The entire time we were eating, the guy was staring at me, to the point that I started regretting my pink sweats and my lack of make up save for chapstick. I knew I looked like a kid. In fact, when he first saw me, he wasn't even sure I was out of high school because I have a very childish face unless I paint a more adult looking face (Which my Jman told me makes me look unfriendly, but it does help at work). So I couldn't eat, and I was mad at my mother until finally the guy got up and came to say hi to my mother. He came by, hands in his pockets, and rocked back and forth on his heels with a huge smile saying hellos to my mother, and then looked at me. My mother introduced me, and he said hello..and instead of saying something...I just waved because I'm an idoit.
So he went back to his table and I bolted with my mother back to our cars. As we were getting into our cars, I could see through the diner window that he was watching us leave...and I'm sure he saw me hit my head on my steering wheeling because I was cursing the fact that I waved and totally ignored his offer to shake hands.
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