I don't know what the hell is going on, and I finally had a melt down because I had legal issues come up due to the fact that nothing is organized in my life (mainly because I've been waiting on Akira to tell me what is going on...in some shape or form, so instead of being in limbo and waiting..I can get things rolling...cause I've just come to accept the fact that it's going to be me rovolving my life around his...at least for now, but most likely forever...so I didn't know what to do...law school isn't exactly international proof and holds no room for an international marriage...so...) and everyone has been telling us to do this and to do that...Until it just all sounded like white noise....
Then I found out I have a warrant out for my arrest due to a "fix it ticket". Basically over a year ago I got a ticket because my sticker on my car wasn't current (because I was waiting for it in the mail) so I told the cop that and she was like, okay just drive your car to the court house and have a cop sign off that he saw the new sticker.
Nothing right?
Well then my grandfather died, and I few out to DC and had four days of no sleep, got on the plane, went to work, then on the way home, I completely totaled my car on the freeway. New sticker and all. So I even went to the courthouse and was like, does this still need to be taken care of since...well...there isn't a car anymore...and she just laughed and said no.
Well...apparently it needed to be taken care of because my entire legal file and IDs are on freeze. So everything has stopped. All the paperwork I've processed, all the papers I was waiting to process but now can't....stopped...nothing...nada...and all because I didn't check my mail. Why didn't I check my mail? Because I don't have a mail key and I don't know our mail box, which wouldn't matter anyway cause Akira and I haven't checked the mail so long that it now is all being sent to the post office...so even if they had mailed me a letters...I never got them....
So when Akira called me yesterday telling me he wants us to go to Japan at the end of June to try to win over his parents (so that meant that the marriage was put off, that basically even our engagement was put off, so I was pretty upset, I understood socially the obligation, but at the same time...This idea was brought up when his boss at work told him to do it and everyone has been like, oh you should do this, how mean it was for us not to do it...but we have shit to take care of)...and well...since I can't even travel...because I have an arrest warrant and my passport can't even be processed right now due to it...
And why? Cause we didn't take care of our shit. It was literally because we didn't check the damn mail box. Why? I don't have the key, Akira is away for work, I can't even go to the post office to claim mail because I'm not on the lease or a spouse..so...
So I snapped this morning. I couldn't stop it. God knows I tried (two prozacs)...but...Everyone has been saying, wait to marry now go meet the parents it's the right thing to do blah blah blah...except....
We can't. My passport papers can't even be filed. I can't go anyway because I can't even leave the country. So...when poor Akira called...I blew up. I told him that sure culturely it's not right, and socially all wrong, but that the only thing that mattered to me is that legally everything is taken care of... because if the legal shit isn't done, it doesn't matter if we win the lottery, we still can't do shit.
Then I had a melt down in front of my parents and then another melt down in front of my coworkers...but...I haven't cried.
I just threw a fit so people would understand...paperwork first.
I kinda feel very German...papers papers papers!
We can fly over there and say hi....I could build a temple dedicated to his family...I could become a unicorn...but it doesn't change a single thing because the paperwork isn't filed.
So today after freaking out, I called the Japanese Embassy cause no one else has, everyone is just talking out of their asses like they know what's going on when they don't....and lo and behold I got the info and it's exactly as I have been telling everyone...it takes freaking forever, and you can't do anything without being married. I can't even make an appointment.
So...I got all the forms I could today.
Printed out the marriage application, wrote down the check list from the embassy, got all my records on my accident including pictures showing a renewal sticker (Lord), printed out and notorized for all certified copies on any important paper I could think of, mailed what I could off...and now...
I just feel like a bitch.
I blew up so bad. So so so bad. I was shaking, I was even debating on throwing it all out and just leaving because it seems sanity hasn't been around in a while and now I was going crazy.
And I feel bad cause Akira is being pulled around in so many directions and I promise you guys, I really really try to stay out of his way when he's working and I try really hard to be cheerful and understanding, but jesus, nothing gets me more then a screw up due to something stupid.
No more stupidity.
I will go into my crazy filing mode, my paranoid record keeping, my constant nagging on keeping up with the appointments no matter what, and people can think I'm crazy...and I feel mean and I feel crazy...but...
I won't lose Akira because we didn't do what needed to be done. I feel awful, and I'm sure his mom is freaking out and I feel so so so bad about all of it...
but...
Responsiblity first. Everything else can be dealt with, mainly because we won't be in prison because we handled our shit. I love Akira...I really don't understand how he handles me when I'm like this...
Hello Tiffany,
ReplyDeleteI've read your last post and wanted to comment, but feel that my comment would not be too harsh on Akira, so I didn't.
Now I will! :))))
When my j boyfriend asked me to marry him, he and his father did all the paperwork. I am a bloody foreigner, how should I know how it's done?! They understand it. I only had to sign and celebrate. I dont understand why all the pressure has to be on you, he is busy at work, but so are you.
About his mum and family. When boys grow up, mum matters less than their woman. The most important woman is the one he sleeps with and sees daily, that's how it should be. If his mother and her wishes are more important, well, there will be many many probles in the future for his wife.
Also, his mum KNOWS that you have control of him now, so don't ask for her acceptance, just state the fact that you are getting married.
Culture shmulture, be the boss of him, he seems to need control and direction.
If this is not too much, and you don't mind my comment, I will also comment on your previous post
Liza
Sorry, I meant 'would be too harsh'
ReplyDeleteI accidently responded with just a comment lol...so please read below <3
DeleteNever worry about offending me with comments Liza <3 the whole reason I made this blog is to get help from other people who have experinced this or something close to this because I'm utterly confused on everything.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the needing for direction, Akira can zone into work and it takes an act of God to get him to switch into something else. I think why I'm stuck doing a lot of the paperwork is because we are in the States and his family is in Japan and Akira has no idea on anything about the paperwork. I think he should have maybe called the Japanese Embassey instead of me though, only because I could tell everyone was really uncomfortable talking to me about what needed to be done. But the court papers and everything, I still go with him if he gets a traffic ticket because he just doesn't know the system.
It would be really nice if he could help me more, and after I filed everything and gave it to him I think he will. He got the company to pay for my flight tickets, a bigger apartment, and our moving expenses, and did the life insurance and health insurance, so those are things I have no idea how to do.
I didn't know about the mother vs wife thing though!!! I'm extremely relieved to hear that! You have no idea how extremely worried I've been. I'm sure there are still going to be a lot of passive aggressiviness, but I was so worried about Akira not being on my side.
He did finally agree on marrying as soon as possible once I had this fit. But I'm still worried about everything. Any advice or any input would be great, again never worry about me getting upset, I truly want as much information as I can possibly get, lol <3 <3 <3
Thank you for reading and for your help <3
Tiffany
Hi Tiffany, I just read your last post and saw that you replied. About mum vs wife thing, some guys will always cling to mummy's skirt and ignore their wife's needs and wishes. That is the saddest marriage, and it feels like there are 3 people married (unhappily) to each other. I have a friend who's husband let's his mum make importand child rearing decisions. That's nuts.
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about your dad instilling some qualities that are important for a woman (from his point of view), but did he also mention that women use these qualities for their benefit? Look at Saudi women, they are sweet as honey but they trap a man like a fly! They use charm and dramatic acting skills to make a man do what she wants him to do, while he things that's what he has always wanted to do.....
When I met my bf I thought he was a good person, he is a good person but I have put in a lot of effort to make him a good man, bf and husband. You love Akira and if he is worth the fight and if your sanity and happiness is important to you, you need to come up with ways to adjust him to your ideal.
It sounds horrible, but I know my bf also controls and changes me
It doesn't sound horrible, I think you're a 100% right. My problem, besides just wanting to know that there is ground work for a real future, is that I'm not sure what I want for us, except to be happy of course lol. But you're right, and yes, my father tells me all the time if he looked like me and had my charm that he would be married to a billionaire, but I think all dads value their daughters above and beyond reality loool, which is what dads should do ;-) but yes, he always told me you catch more flies with honey, and always told me to keep the flies away (I'm not sure what he means there, but yeah). And Akira is really good and directing me and changing me too, so you're right!
DeleteAny tips? LOL!
Your dad is right about catching billionaires, I hope A. recognizes that. I wonder if him checking other women out and shaking your self esteem could be his insecurity. I have a gorgeous friend whose average bf kept putting her down until she dumped him. He was just trying to make sure she is insecure and doesn't leave him for a richer/hotter guy.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any tips, because I don't know you or Akira and your dynamics. When my bf used to go to hostess clubs I was so mad, like a bloody witch waiting at home. First, I stopped waiting at home, went out with my friends and had a good time. I make it clear that it's not revenge, but time management. I can't go out with my friends while with him, and also I would be so lonely at home huhuhuhuhuhu. Key point - don't blame or argue, but act innocent, sad, and loving. " I miss you so much that I have to go out and party ".
Also, when I need to ask for something, like adjust his behavior or do something for me, I wait for a favorable day and time. Like we have a really good weekend, and after a nap I hug him and ask to quit smoking. I think the benefit of having a Japanese bf is that they are suckers for sweet, gentle and sad manner of speaking/behaving. It's not natural to me, I'm bossy, but it works like a charm and sooooo easy! However, your bf is somewhat Americanized.....
Try reading memoirs of a geisha, there are some good examples of women getting what they want. Maybe you have a friend who's good at it? I live in Vietnam and local girls are so talented at manipulation!
My bf used to get the shakes when we went into a department store, but now he shops for me while on business trips. Last week his male colleague told me they were shopping for me at YSL counter in duty free. Two Japanese guys at YSL. I have no shame lol