When a spade is a spade

I know there are a lot of people are okay with male/female friendships and exs staying friends...and I know there are lot who are completely against it.

When it comes to men and women being friends...I don't think they can ever be true friends because no matter what side it comes from, there is always a bit of flirting and sexual tension.   Now I don't forbid it, however, I will not tolerate my partner having an extremely close female friend...only because then she will be a wedge in my relationship.  Whenever there is an issue, she would be the one he'd turn to when he couldn't stand me, and her being female...would likily lower me in his eyes and using a bit of flirting and ego boosting to make him feel better.  What is wrong with this?  Well...he sougth advise and instead of the so called female friend giving him actual advise (because let's face it, women will talk and flirt in circles before they emotionally numb up and give a straight forward answer...which should be, well I'm only hearing your side Akira, I'm sure there's a reason why Tiffany is calling you an ass, you should talk to her like man instead of leaning on me expecting something solid from your female "friend") he instead just gets an ego boost and goes on being macho wacko.

So I am against close female friends, because they are drama.  Women cannot not compete with each other, at the same time, women always make things worse then they appear and instead of solving problems, they end up going with the, well you're just too good for that, you don't deserve that...ego boosting bullshit instead of actually helping you solve the God damn problem!  Clearly I cannot work with women in large groups because I get so annoyed with the constant blah blah blah gossip that I would just rather shove a pen in my ear...and then my brain if it were long term.

The same goes with exs because not only do you have the blah blah blah flirt ego boosting uselessness....but you have a sexual history on top of everything.  Again, nothing said from that person's mouth can be trusted, and I'm sorry, but if that person is an ex, there is a (or should be) a solid reason why you do not want to spend your future with that person.  So why the hell make them a close friend?  Now ending things on good terms is mature...but clinging on to someone is clinging to the past, and again, with the sexual history and the flirting, why the fuck would you ever bring someone that tainted to lie to you into matters of your personal life?

Now with that established, no I do not have any close male friends, I have male friends I keep at a distant because they can't control themselves (surprise surprise) and my exs I completely get them out of my life because I've wasted enough of my time dealing with their bullshit. 

Now on Akira...lord this is going to be a long post....

On top of Akira's fondness towards strip clubs and hookers...Akira has a large amount of female friends, and repeatingly I have had to snap at him for being too flirty.  In fact...he has yet to make any kind of comment towards any of his female friends without flirting, and he's a horrible flirt on top of it.  It's very very very obivious when he does it, so not only does it hurt my feelings, I have to go through the parade of his coworkers telling me about it (since almost everyone he works with is female...and that plays along with the fact that women just can't shut the fuck up...that if there's gossip, it's going to be spread...but to the tenth power of drama).  So I end up extremely embarrassed, because...and I don't mean to be vain...but I'm not an ugly woman.  Not only am I not ugly, I'm well educated, and I was truly raised like a lady.  I did the charm school, girl scout, southern belle bullshit along with beauty pageants and country line dancing classes and cheerleading bs.  Then you have my mother's family who are major political players because my grandfather and now my uncle owns the sole largest military aircraft and navy producing company in the world.  I'm talking about, I sat next to Mrs. Bush during my cousin's wedding's brunch talking about politics at age 14.  That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. Hell my grandfather is in a video game based on D-day war heros. Let me just say, there is a reason one of my exs is royality.  I'm far from trash.

THEN we have my father's side, who basically hammered in my head to be child like, funny, kind, submissive, and never stop educating yourself.  To dress the best, that over smiling was the sign of a loose woman, that I should always stay logical and put myself, and not the man I'm with, in the center to keep my sanity because men are morons...then you have the religion, and the fact that Dad's father was a minor royal in Iran because the damn country reversed itself and killed and exiled as many royal loyalist they could so my father survived extreme poverity then came to the States at 19 and is now in a multi-million dollar home and has his own business that I help run and co-own.

So I have all the makings of a full out snob, but because I was raped 24/7, and experince racism all the time, and came from a broken home, and worked my ass off while I watched my father lose everything during the 2009 crash (and you better believe your ass we're almost fully recovered) and I pay for everything I have, to my schooling, to my car, to my medical insurance...I do not go around acting like a damn princess and I hate women that do. In fact, I'm pretty broke.  Now my father says I have a pride issue because I never ask for help when it comes to money, but honestly...it's because working and buying my own things is the only way I can live gulit free and not in complete ball and chain with my family.

So...this is why I don't mind that Akira didn't get me a ring, that we're in a studio, or any of that stuff because it's not the stuff, it's the meaning that I care about.  And I love that he's a hard worker.  Major turn on.

So when Akira flirts with another woman...I get so insulted that I literally can't stand to look at him.  Truly, I just can't.  And he doesn't see what he does as offensive and even this morning he told me he wished I would have more self esteem.  Self esteem is not my problem...lack of respect is my problem.

So what has made me this way, what on Earth has my perfect Akira done to make my happy cheerful overly loving postings go astray...? 

Let's start with the beginning.  He was massively addicted to strippers, and constantly checked out and made comments about other women.  So on top of having to wait around on him all the time and cooking and cleaning and not going out...I had to listen to him tell me how much he loves blondes and that I'm like a Toyota not his dream sports car but that he loves me anyway.  Then he had a massive crush on two co-workers at the start of our relationship...both blondes (not even real blondes to boot they are bottle blondes, at least my mother and future sister in law a real blondes), and both not even remotely interested, in fact one of them came out and had drinks with me and told me about the other blonde and then suggested I leave Akira for this other guy at their office.  Which I mean...I would never do that...if I leave Akira I won't want to be around anything that will remind me of him.  So when I asked him about the girls he'd lie about it and call me crazy until finally I had the one of the girls text him in front of me telling him exactly what she thought of him and how stupid he was for even risking losing me.

Clearly her and I are still friends.

So two lies..on coworkers.

The next group is "friends". 

At the start of our relationship I saw a picture of him holding hands with a girl, and standing next to another couple.  They were all Japanese and the picture was hanging in the living room...so when I first came over and saw it, I asked if the girl was an ex.  He instead told me it was his sister, then when I saw what his sister looked like, he then told me the girl was his sister's friend.  So I thought that weird and ignored it.

Then he told me how he almost dated another white girl before me who was Canadian.  A few months later, he got an email from a friend in Canada who was a girl, and who not only knew all about me from stalking my facebook, she also made fun of me.  So I asked Akira if this was the girl that he almost dated...he said yes, but they are just friends and that he was going to readd her to facebook whether I liked it or not.  So I got all upset and I asked him over and over if he ever dated her, made out with her, or anything, and he told me no.  So I asked why did she delete him from facebook? And he told me that a year ago (which is two years now) that she had came to San Diego and that he didn't see her.  So I let it slide...the next day I stayed home sick due to an eye infection and he was logged on in facebook and what do I see suddenly?  Tons of pictures of him and her in San Diego holding each other, in a hotel room, camping...that she had tagged him in.

So I started to go through all his pictures to just find out what's going on.  Seemed he had a history of having a girlfriend, then making the girl so sad because he just stopped giving a fuck about her, that he would break up with the girl out of concern for her well being...then a few weeks later he would start sleeping with the girl that his ex had been fighting with him about.  Then I saw that the first girl, the girl that took his virginity, was the same girl in the picture in the living room.

Oooooooh....you better believe I unleashed hell...we won't even get into that because I get so angry.

But you think that stops him?  Hell no, two weeks ago he was checking out a jogger so bad that I didn't know what to do...I was near tears...so I just made a joke and was like, her boobs are too bouncy.

And he does these things...he's gotten better...I hope, he's stopped all connection with exs as far as I can tell (and I have the passwords to everything, I'm in the computer business after all, I don't need to even ask him what they are, I've pulled up every record ever on him, and I am the master at tracing activity and mind you, his entire computer is in Japanese and I got all of that just from two hard drives).    So anyhow, I'm getting pretty pissed off right now...

I can't believe Akira had the nerve to tell me that he wished I had higher self esteem.  I have a healthy self esteem, it's his asshole traits that end up knocking me down, if he'd stop being a jerk lead by his dick and accept the fact that there are certain manners and respects that must be always followed if you want a healthy relationship...then I wouldn't have these crying fits over his stupidity and his need to get a hard on by every female who looks his way with a smile.

Harsh posting I know....and I love the man dearly still and he's a pretty good guy, but this bullshit has got to stop.