So I don't know what to write about only that I'm sure I'll feel some kind of relief after I'm done writing.
I don't have any real close girl friends anymore...now that I'm engaged and living with Akira. It's largely due to the fact that I don't desire to go to clubs anymore, or to gossip about who's hot and who's not. On top of that...I'm also the last girl any of the girls expected to get married off. In fact, almost every day I get at least one of the girls asking me if I'm sure I want to marry Akira, that there are other men.
And I always say the same thing, I know there are other men, but there's only one man like Akira.
Sure...I get annoyed by his aloofness...his wondering eye gets to me too...but...that's really it.
Two things...out of the hundreds of things I down right love about him, and not a single thing I hate. He stopped the strip clubs, the constant ex contacts...he's done a lot for me. So...I don't have the desire to go dance in a crowded club with some stranger's hard on rubbing up on me.
I just don't find that fun anymore.
Now camping, or beaching it, or having dinner...I'm down. I still go to dressed up lounges and poetic hookah cafes....but...I flash my ring proudly.
I also think another thing that gets to them is that when we do go out I get the attention now....it hasn't always been like that, or if it was, I never noticed it....but I think because I have the relief of not being out there anymore...I'm just 100% myself. I joke, I laugh, I'm not constantly fiddling with hair and make up, because...I got mine. I can act like I was in my pjs with a can of frosting...when I'm really in heels and a dress and cuddling a drink...but you know what I mean. I feel free. And it's because of Akira.
So...I don't ever want to leave someone who makes me feel more like myself then I could ever do on my own. He's built me up.
So...now I'm more into....just solely female get togethers. Which, since most of my female friends are sex crazed...isn't ideal and therefore I'm boring now. I'm boring Tiffy. Still funny...but now not really needed.
So I feel weird. I don't know how to act with them, and I'm not the oldest one in the group, a few other girls are even ten years older, but...everyone...just can't swallow that I'm going to be married. It makes me feel bad....I know I was a massive socialite at one time...but...then I just became a loser who was drunk all the time. You would think everyone would be happy over the progress instead.
I do have a few girls that are more like sisters...but everyone is so far away now...*sigh* The one girl who is near me (down the road actually) is included in the sex crazed and partier group. I just want to get my nails done and drink at the beach at night and laugh with a few good girls.
And not worry about them calling over some guy or leaving for a few hours :-/
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