I just try so hard. I mean, I really put my all into this relationship. I never cooked or cleaned or put on sexy outfits until I got with Akira.
I found all the above a bit demeaning when it's just solely one person's role to do those....chores...I guess. Not that I never did those things, I grew up on a farm in Alabama so I'm like a master cleaner and an okay cook...and I try my best to get better at it all every single day.
That includes sex.
I get it. Japanese men are pervs and Japan is really indifferent to their insane sex industry...I get it.
I got the mags for him because I FELT BAD for not allowing strip clubs or hostess bars or anything like that because he's use to that stuff being fine and okay. But it's not okay. So I gave in an inch....porn.
Porn is okay.
Better then actual cheating. Fine, you need an outlet, here's some porn.
But to then take what I gave and rub my nose in it like I'm some kind of dog....
It's just mean.
Those outfits are not comfortable. Thongs are not comfortable. Waking up early and working out is not fun. Cooking isn't something I enjoy and cleanig isn't either. But I do it...for him. He works 16 hour days....I try my best to make home as inviting as I can because I want to keep him home.
I keep the sex going anytime, anywhere he wants it, as often as I can....because I want him to stay home. And damnit, there's a lot of shit out there in the world and I'm not going to lose to some cheap piece of trash with no proper upbringing. I have great breeding, my great great aunt wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin, my father worked for NASA, I have cousins who are sentors and my uncle is VP for the largest military company in the world. On top of that Dad's family was minor royality in Iran (that's how my great grand father was governing one of the states in Iran) and my grandmother was sold into marriage slarvery at 11 years old because she was so beautiful, then the governer bought her, educated her, and well...that shit sticks. I'm a lady. I'm right down elegnant when my temper isn't being written down. You can't even tell when I'm upset because God forbid I don't act lady like.
So for this lady to act like a sex slave piece of trash along with acting like a maid....then....to watch the man I love drag around a porn mag like a baby blanket while I walk past him in heels and lacy panties and don't even get a peck on the check for it....
Hell breaks loose.
I'm so pissed off.....I really wish I could just leave work early, take Dad's plane and fly until I stop shaking.
it just hurts. i don't understand how men don't understand how it hurts.
On top of that, I'm on the diet from Hell to try to please akira's family who won't even ACKNOWLEDGE ME!
I got the fucking prince of Saudi Arabia follow me around for YEARS and try to convince me over and over that he's a changed man and that I was a woman he wanted to see as a wife...but you know...for the S family...I'm just some fat white American girl who isn't fit for the family or for even finding out about.
Some people man....
It's been a lot of pride swallowing lately for me, and I'm about to snap. I just hope to get this trip done as fast so I can go back to eating and blinking back tears from how insensitive men can get....
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