You Must have been Ugly as a Child

You have no idea how many times I've heard that...from men. Constantly I worry about the male IQ. Everytime I'm at a gas station for instance, men assume I have no idea what gas even is, and offer to pump my gas and explain to me what octane levels are...

Then I happily tell them that I studied astro-physics, political science, and criminal justice in school, and go on about how the middle east is basically colonies and how I hate the sight of oil much less the fact that I'm dependent on it. Which is why I got the hybrid.

This is usually followed with a clearing of the throat, an awkward smile and then... "Wow, so you must have been ugly as a child, you're funny."

Funny...because when a woman throws out a few facts it's not because she's smart...no no...she's TRYING to be smart, which is cute...because only men are smart. That's what that retarded comment comes from. And no....I was not ugly as a child....but lord was I ever as a teenager.

To the point that when I turned 17, and I grew in a VERY small town in Alabama...that when I came back for senior year, kids that have known me since the first grade thought I was a new student.

Anyhow that never really phased me because I had just become engulfed into my telescope. Lord have mercy I took that thing with me everywhere and it was not a small ordeal. Oh no my friends, I could hook it up to my laptop and track data (which I ended up having a small map of the the galaxy because one thing it could not do was graph, so my graph notebook traveled along in the case as well) it was motorized (which I know a lot of people consider cheating but the times I had to fix the damn thing because it kept breaking was enough karma...trust me) and I was just in love with it.

It was like when I took violin. I love love love violin. I hate crowds remember? So anytime I had to perform in front of a group I would freeze. Literally. I would not move.

So there went 7 years of that down the drain...but the telescope! I didn't have to be around anyone! In fact.. I have to GO AWAY from everyone...which in Alabama is a piece of cake because it's all farms, forest and swamplands.

So I end up getting engaged in high school (in grand southern tradition *now I bet everyone is reading this with a southern accent*) and said, screw you UCI I'm going to the University of Alabama because of my man (see the trend).

Which is fine because Alabama actually have an AMAZING astro-physics department and are very actitive with NASA (which my father was working with at the time) so I was pretty happy. I had class every day. Saturday and Sunday too. On top of that, since my ex was...well...my ex...I ended up supporting us too, so I also had a job.

Let me say this...I freaking loved it! Loved loved loved it!

Until my ex and I had a massive fight over income, and how astro-physics really doesn't have a career. Well at the time, I had gone to a Trekkie Con (yep...not ashamed) and had run into a few abused women there who were protesting something outside. Anyhow, I got to know these women more and more, started getting into politics more and more, and BAM, more majors added to the plate. No biggie...cause I burned through these classes. I didn't make As I made over them. 103, 101...burn burn burn.

Then my world fell apart... My father (who had disowned me in the process) had a heart attack back in California. Now let me tell you something, my father may be strict, but I love that man dearly. He's just my world, so is my mother, I'm freakishly close with my family. So I told my ex about it, and he told me that if I left that the engagement would be off. Now he said that because he thought my father was barbaric (again, in grand Southern tradition) and this was when the Iraqi war just started. In fact I watched the first attack as my mother was getting experimental surgery that saved her life, she's battling cancer. Tough cookie, my mother. He also thought that my father would arrange me to meet men he thought I was better suited for (which he didn't do that at the time, but when I was 20-24, he did). I told him that was insane. I had no time and I only had a few days so I had to go.

So I went. I came back, my ex picked me up, took my ring (I had to go to work right then), and I kissed him figuring he'd be there wanting to talk once I got off from work.

I came home to a completely trashed, empty apartment.

He had taken everything.

There I was, 20, my mother battling cancer that they deemed her fatal for, my father recovering from a heart attack...and me...left all alone...heart broken.

Oh my God, nothing had ever hurt worse. I thought my life was over. I really really did. In fact, I haven't been myself the past six years until I met Akira. Even my family tell him how he saved me. My father even told him thank you for giving me back my daughter.

These people in my life...I don't take them for granted. I know all too well...anytime it could be over.

Picture is of me and my little brother <3