Well Akira decided that this week would be the week to announce that we would be skipping tradition and marrying as soon as possible so he could bring me back with him to Japan . During the entire process though I felt like he was too cocky and belittled me a lot which was weird because shouldn't announcing marriage be about boosting ur partner instead? Shouldn't you be like, oh I'm with her because she is wonderful and I love her instead of poking jokes at me all the time and making me feel like poop. Yes it is kind he asked permission to marry me and yes it takes a lot of guts to tell parents who haven't even met me... But his jokes are always at my expense.
Anyhow, i felt very over shadowed today, like he was running the show and I had to go along with it down to the point that he ordered my meal and chose not my side dishes because they were standard but he choose my meat actually without even asking. Then I had been suggesting that we should get married when his old host parents were in town because they r like family to him. The parents r coming in June anyway for a visit so I was like sure why not? But he kept rejecting it until finally his host mom suggested it and then when he told me it was like he had never heard the suggestion before. It was too much today. Too much lately he's gotten very controlling not over me but just on whatever he wants to do.
Again I realize he is naive that he doesn't even realize these things make me want to slap him sometimes, so.... I have to bring it up... Gently. A little bit bit of an ego is okay, and I know he feels very secure and very excited. He feels like he's winning which is sweet. But sweet guy got flipped for work Akira and i can't stand the ego trip that persona has so I'm afraid a decent fight is going to come. Most likely over something stupid, like ordering my meat. I just wanted to give the back ground on it before I seem like I'm a screw or two loose. I'm not going to tolerate a husband who is bossy. But I do love the man. Just times like this when I have to turn into a slightly monstrous version of myself is never enjoyable and I always hate making him feel bad. Or this could be the result of all the stress the announcement has caused. Which is why I didn't unleashed hell on him today. I know he uses humor when he feels nervous, I'm just not a fan of his humor since it entails lowering me. But I know what to tell him, since he was bullied in school I'll tell him that it feels like he's bulling me. That is a quick way to put back the consideration which he's usually flawless at.
I'm currently in 'fight' mode with my husband, it's over taking dance class. I have been asking him to take a class with me for ages, and he never agreed. Now I found a partner online and my husband claims it's blackmail! What I learned about fights, is fight over big stuff, not over meat he ordered. Stop him the moment he makes a joke at your expense, don't let it become a habit.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great blog and a lovely ring :)
Liza
Great advise, I did just what you said and you were right. I calmed down and told him to joke but not at my expense, and luckily I didn't get angry at him before hand so a fight was avoided. I read your comment on the train yesterday morning, and it instantly calmed me down. Thank you so much <3
ReplyDeleteThank you about the ring, it's my great grandmother's engagement ring, it's a little big so it has to be resized....lol. But in October Akira's uncle has also made us a set of rings...so it's nice to know it's all jewelery designed from our family. I'm really excited!
Thank you again Liza <3 Dance lessons sound fun! Are you doing ballroom?
Ah, I did wonder if your ring is from estate sale or a family treasure, it looks special. I used to look at estate sales in Canada and wish I had more to spend lol. Is Akira's uncle a jeweler?
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning of our relationship I would get gradually mad and finally explode over an unwashed cup in the sink. But he would het so confused and hurt and I seemed crazy to him, i realized it's better to speak up (esp about important stuff) and not wait till I'm an atomic bomb :))))
We wil be taking Bachata class and tango, if available.
Ooooh! That sounds like so much fun! People get so fit in dance classes it's crazy!
DeleteYes he's a jeweler and specializes in engagement rings and wedding bands, so we're a bit olbigated to get the rings from him, but they are pretty and danty, which is great cause my hands are super small.
Yes! I know what you mean by confusion! Akira is constantly confused on why I'm mad, though sometimes I think he knows but he realized if he acts confused that by the time I explain it I'm over it. But you were right, by explaining it to start with it avoided a fight thankfully :-) Thank you again so much ^_^
Not at all. I hope your family will be more supportive about your wedding. It's so annoying when someone says YOU WILL REGRET THIS, especially when it's someone you love. Just support me or prove how my choice is not a good one. Don't use the regret excuse.
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