Being the lady to a Japanese Salaryman...ladies, let's talk

I see my world black and white when it comes to relationships....but with Salarymen...there are events that take a bit of time to manage...

Let me tell you a little about work/social life of a man in a Japanese company.

It's not what it really is...it's what you want people to think it is...

I put down lady because it doesn't matter if you're his wife, girlfriend, or mother....whatever your title is...if you're the main lady in a Japanese Salaryman's life...your life takes on a double form...with the main focus being...when the fuck is he coming home.

Akira works for the Zensho company...and in all honesty...the more and more I'm around them, and the more and more I read about the company itself...it's not really a bad place.  It's a very stressful place...but...they focus on two things...fast and simple.  Here's some info for those interested   http://www.forbes.com/global/2011/0117/companies-japan-zensho-beef-bowl-extremely-fast-food.html?feed=rss_asia

Fast...for a Japanese company I think Zensho is extremely quick in response and action.  Of course, I really don't have anything to compare it to, my father worked at the HQ for Toyota...and he always complained about how slow everything was...and that the on going meetings were pointless, but while Akira does attend some extremely long meetings...usually back to back...I have to say...they do get shit done.  Akira is a project manager...mainly because he's perfect for it.  He's completely fluent in both English and Japanese...as well as completely emerged in both cultures.  He's fast and extremely bright.  His problem solving is always done in a very calm way, and in a very logical and simple way...something that he does constantly at work or at home, that I personally rely on.  Anytime we fight...it's because I didn't list what was bothering me.  If I list what I'm mad about and give it to him....a few hours later I get a very polite and detailed email on possible solutions, along with flowers or dinner....or both...sometimes a gift.  Either way...anytime we do fight...it's because we didn't list our issues.  We even have little word magnets and a magnet dry-earse board on our fridge to avoid face to face verable fights...mainly because I start crying and nothing gets solved and mainly because we end up pissing each other off. 

Anyhooooooow, he's perfect for the job.  There isn't a person who will say otherwise if you've worked with him.  No one can do what he does and completely understand it.  His half life upbringing paid off.  But...if you're with a salaryman....you're always waiting.

14-16 hours a day is normal.  I don't even blink anymore when he goes past 12 hours...I know he's got another 4 or so to go.   During the week...his life is dedicated to Zensho.  Nothing I can say or do can distract him from this matter...and...it can cause a number of fights.  A lot of salarymen have two lives.  Home life where they seem...well..harmless...and...Work life...where they work constantly, but also...have pervy meetings at hostess clubs, strip clubs, bars to gock at women, even the nice blonde girl almost filed a sexual harrassment suit on just about every Japanese man working here at the American branch because they are just retarded.  I blame that on peer pressure.  Get a group of Japanese men, and it's a dick contest on who has the biggest balls and who has the hottest mistress.   You think I'm lying...I'm not.  You think your man isn't part of that?  Don't be stupid.  I keep an extremely close eye on Akira.  There was a good three months where we almost broke up because I would have screaming fist fights with him over taking visiting Japanese business men to strip clubs while their wives waited bored at the hotel room.  One of these men was Akira's boss for a very short time and even took me to dinner and told Akira to leave me!!!! And Akira almost did it...but then he saw everyone's reaction to the Japanese business men.  He works mainly with a lot of American women, and I can tell you, all the girls look at them with discuss...not because of their work eithics, but because they are perverts.  And well...I was getting emails from his coworkers giving me updates on Akira...as well as Akira allows me to track his phone...so...we worked it out...and now Akira stands up against it.  Not because of me, but because he does see where being a pervert is morally wrong.  Trust me, it took me a lot to show him the dark side of the sex industry, and it took the blonde telling him off and defending me to show him what the other J-salarymen were doing was wrong and extremely offensive.  Anyhow, the yong guys are usually the senior employees' bitch....so peer pressure is hard to confront.

I get worried when we move to Japan, but it helps that I know he will be teaching.  Teaching is less risky I think.  You can't be a pervert in front of children...at least not without criminal charges. 

But that is EVERY SALARYMAN.  I have yet to meet anyone different, and with the Japanese you know they all mimick each other, so even if it's "peer pressure" it's still sick and wrong.  With that said...if the bosses are more family orinated or actually loves their wife...then these pervy moments will just be limited to harrassing coworkers.  It's sad, but it's true.  Akira is a bit socially outcasted from the Japanese businessmen because he's so American (which is because I threw a fit in front of a visiting business man whenever he tried to con Akira into taking him to a strip club, I basically told the guy that he was a fucking sicko, and a horrible husband and that I hope his wife will leave him and that if he wanted to stare at American girls Akira could take him to a bar and he could grow some balls and try to talk one into getting naked instead of paying a slave who would be disgusted with him.)...so I'm lucky in the respect that that ordeal went all the way back to Japan and now no one tries to mess with our relationship because I will fucking cut off balls.  ^_^

And don't forget, hostess bars are NOT sex free...legally they state they are, but it's like strip clubs, the money is in hooking, not drinking and flirting.  Against, I've yet to meet a hostess that wasn't a hooker and actually...they all stated their biggest clients are companies...not indiviuals.

In fact one of the main guys in the company came to visit a few months later and during a meeting (not a formal one, they were doing something in the test kitchen) and showed everyone Akira-san's picture of his beautiful American girl.  Well played...still pissed off though.  So...I'm no longer invited to male only dinners.  I use to be though...until I made it clear I wasn't a toy or an idiot. 

And that's the challenge ladies.  I know some of you are brainwashed by dorky anime or jpop or whatever threw you into this world...but take it from a girl who has abosolutely no touch of yellow fever or an dying admiration towards the Japanese culture, in fact before Akira I never had any desire to even go to Japan and my best girl friends are Japanese (it's just too weird for me, the dress code alone ....these men are more show then action...and what little action is usually done with a wallet and we hope a condom.  I know that's very bleek...and maybe a bit unfair because it's so unflattering....but...they are very successful usually and responsible...I guess...

But most companies have open tabs for their male employees at strip clubs or hostess bars...so don't think controlling their personal wallet has any effect on their work life.  That's another plus though, Japanese companies cater very well to employees.  Akira has a $2,000 living expense for rent or house payment....a car with everything including gas paid for, an iPhone 4gs, paid for with internaitonal calling, health care, life insurance, stock, their version of a 401k, ect...down to tabs at certain locations with codes given to certain employeess who have "earned" it.  That's the corp world for them I guess. 

A lot of pluses though, and if you get the man to actually love you, then you have nothing to worry about, in fact usually the wives have their own little group, which I'm slightly part of, but usually seen as a little sister or a kid playing house...but...

I love Akira and he loves me, and when it comes down to it, it's based on honesty and trust.  And that's why we fight usually away from each other, because we do piss each other off, and we do tell each other about it, and we do fight about it...but...that honesty is what keeps me around apart from being in love.  Because I've been in love with out trust.  It's a very unhealthy way to live and it literally made me so stressed my hair was falling out, but...with Akira...I trust him.  He loves me so much and is so proud of me, he even calls me his unicorn as cheesy as that is...

So I wait for him.  I cook dinner at 8pm-2am, depending when he gets home, and I wake up and get him ready for work.  I place his favorite sweets in his briefcase or text him saucy messages while he's at work.   I do my part to ensure a connection during the week...because men are like plants.  They constant water and sunlight or they die.  So I water him during the day and I sunlight him at night ;-). 

So it's nothing like the fucking cartoons or music videos.  It's real life, so...if you're obessed and day dreaming about Japanese men...it's time to grow up.  Men are men....and that usually means that there is a strong gene no matter the race, on being a pervy ass.

So...good luck.  Love is worth it, just make sure he loves you back and that you're not forgiving him for "culture" things that are just truly unmoral things.  Stand your ground and stand by him if he's worth it.