Me Love You Long Time

I did a mistake I think....sexually....

Yesterday I wore under my little black dress....a full on set of naughty underwear...from the belted tight stockings, to laced pink and black bra-thong set...to four inch lace high heels....

I wore that crap all day long under my dress (I sent Akira pics of course to let him stew about it during the day...which he did).

Anyhow, Akira got off early, came to my office and brought me a box of Japanese treats...along with some nice bath stuff. 

Really sweet right? 

Very sweet.

So anyhow, the night progresses and well...he finished and passed out...and I was well...not done....

So I stayed awake until about 3am just as pissed off as I could be cause I really wasn't finished....it had been weeks since we've had rockin sex like that...I was blind folded and tied up...everything.  I worked that shit. 

So at 3am I go to the bathroom to just...well..deal with it myself, when out pops a beatle and I scream like bloody murder waking Akira up.  The poor guy...I let him have it.  I poured myself a glass of wine and just told him he was selfish, that he just passed out after all that...and the poor guy...he really didn't deserve that.  I rarely climax during sex.  I enjoy sex mainly for the closeness of it, but I really really insecure during the act of it...for some reason. 

But yeah...I feel horrible about how I tore into him.  And what an awful thing to do to a man...to shoot him down sexually...I may as well have cut off his balls while I was at it.

He's not selfish at all. 

So I came back into the room and started thanking him for everything, and telling him I was sorry that it was just really bad timing (it was), and that he's super generous with me...but...that it's nice to have stuff and things...I just missed him.  Which is true.  I really miss Akira when he goes into major work mode.  Dinners and trips and stuff...that's all fun...but....the best thing he can do is just hold me, love me, make love to me...like all the time, lol.  We could live in a box but as long as he was all over me, it's all good to me.  His kisses literally make me dizzy.  I love him like crazy.

I feel awful that I did that...I've said sorry to him over and over...but....I think the only thing that will fix it is if he succeeds a few times with me sexually...so I've got to get over my fear.   I get worried that I make weird faces...or that I'm too loud...or something I do will turn him off. 

But the blind folding last night...actually relaxes me...so...

He took a picture of me to show me what he sees during it cause I'm worried I look weird...and I still look weird...but at least he likes it. 

I love him so much...I just can't believe I couldn't keep my mouth shut....poor guy.  The last thing he needs right now is for me to pop the shit out of his ego bubble.  He needs the ego bubble right now.

I need to figure out how to restore it....so....any tips???

Maybe I should act super helpless this weekend... I dunno...  I want to get him a gift, but even that I doubt would do the trick. I have one more new naughty outfit yet to use...

Concerns over going to Japan

I know that this blog is suppose to be about how Japanese men aren't horrible and blah blah blah...but there is one factor that is extremely concerning to me (besides the fact that my degree is utterly useless there and job hunting will be a challenge). Japan's sex industry. Now...we're going to get a bit personal here...I'm a survivor (well..I don't know exactly what I am) of child to adult sexual and physical abuse. I basically had about 14 years of it non-stop...from step parents to partners...in an extremely sadistic manner. So this lead me to...oh I want to a lawyer!...phase...which resulted in studying, befriending, and understanding hookers and strippers in the USA. I have to say a lot of them are my closest friends because we all went through the same ordeal. Anyhow...long story short, I think every part of the sex industry except professionally made porn should be illegal because it is EXTREMELY abusive to women. For those of you who would like to read up more on the subject there are several research papers out there complete with interviews on how much the women HATE HATE HATE the men that go to such places and use such services, how most of them are basically inslaved to it...yada yada yada.

I'll post a link at the end of this post....though I'm sure most men react the same way Akira did. When Akira asked me about my little stint in the industry (not performing or anything...I was just studying and debating if it was worth it...which it's not) I started to tell him how every single woman I met has an abusive background, how the customers (say in a lap dance) still abuse women (saying things, touching, stalking, harrassing, ect) how the women hated the customers, how they were constantly beaten up by pimps, club managers, ect... how most of them were drug addicts along with suffers of a number of STDs, how most sank further and further due to the contuining abuse (that through mental illness they chose do...because abusive women hit a cycle where they only feel powerful through sexuallity or they think it's the only thing they are good for since many of them have suicidal self esteem views and a good deal end up killing themselves) and I went on and on...

Well Akira got mad and was like, Stop it! You are ruining my fantasy!

I'm sure when the South had slaves and thought it was for the better they were equally upset at the "fantasy" being ruined by good common and sense and human rights.

With that said...Japan's second largest income (first being cars) is their sex industry...and I for one am terrorified at Akira falling into habit of these things again. Before I met him, he was sexless for a good few years and relied on the industry...then came to the States where thankfully he did not employ hookers but did fancy a few nights at the local and not so local strip clubs and hostess bars (here in San Diego there is an insane amount of Japanese people here...so naturally massage palors, hostess clubs, ect made their nasty ways out here).

And good lord the fights we had the first few months. The fights we have still if it's even barely brought up. I must say, the only time I truly want to beat the shit out of a man is when he uses such demeaning means of release. I would perfer him to go to dating sites or something..something to where he was desired as a person and not as this perv using his wallet for his kicks.

So...that changed dramatically since we've been together, one because I'm constantly keeping him in our bedroom (and I don't want to toot my own horn but I do enjoy what I do very much so) and two because I forced him to see for himself the horrors of the sex industry and the effect is has on a person. I went through an entire ordeal trying to make him see that he was seeing women solely as sex toys and not as real people...ect ect ect.

So with all this progress and my lack of hope in Japanese men considering it seems to be the norm for them to have that or mistresses....I'm terrorified of what will happen in Japan since I know he misses being with a Japanese woman (I truly hope it's not for the fake child like screaming).

So that's one of my concerns. And I'm extremely disappointed that people seem so passe about these things...it just shows more and more that it's a man's world. I would love the chance to degrade a few of these guys to the scum they really are...but...alas....I'm just a girl.

Here's a link to a three page research paper on strippers...I'm sure if you were able to read this blog then this is a piece of cake. http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/stripc1.htm