I'm much better today....   I think I just need more time here....


More about that later.

akira's sister is a god send <3

We got our rings.

I'm much better today....   I think I just need more time here....


More about that later.

akira's sister is a god send <3

We got our rings.

No thank you

Well I'm in Japan, staying at his family's home, all went well but I really really don't like it here.  Hats off to those of you who left the states to live here cause just the lack of space and the constant stares were enough to make me cry the moment I saw his dad.  I mean I was sobbing.

Akira is okay...but a bit more dominat...sometimes bratty but not with me really....

I'll write more later, but other then his family, I really don't enjoy it here.  His home is the only place I feel safe....at least from the constant stares and absolute fear everyone else has towards me.  Akira told me that the men just don't know what to think but it's the women who look at me the worst some of them just stare right at me like right into my eyes and not look away even.  It's made me so nervous...again I don't think I've cried this much in a very very long time.  Five more days...

Lolita can kiss my ass

So I'm two days away from being in Japan and I'm planning out my outfits....and well...

I'm American right...and half Persian...and it's all about looking sexy being American...and looking modestly sexy because I'm Persian...sooo...I would say that my taste is pretty much the same as...well...Angelia Jolie...though I'm not anywhere as close as beautiful as her...but I love her taste, it's a little dark, very classic, very sexy, but not too sexy...but in no shape or way can you call that style cute. 

So anyhow, I'm packing and Akira's well..lecture on cuteness...sinks in...and well...I can't dress cute.  I can't.  I love to look sexy and to look classy...and as vain as this sounds...I like to look poshe and stuck up even though I'm shy and friendly...looking that way makes me feel a bit empowered...

You men won't understand that, but you girls get it, when you look a certain way outside, it helps boost up something inside you to reflect your look. 

Anyhow... I saw this picture and it instantly reminded me that not only can I dress however I want...but that I won't be considered sexy at all because I'm not cute.

Or in high school....*rolls eyes*

 

I also cannot pull off that fake innocent shit either.  Lucky for me, I'll be pretty naive over there, so I'm sure that will seem innocent when I'm just actually a moron.

Getting gifts, getting prettied up, and then get going!!!!

Okay...well...now the real count down begins!  It's almost Saturday...so...five more days until I land in Japan!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit.

Worried Sick

Well...I'm on antibiotics and doing a bit better.  I'm at work today...which saves me from boredom.  I'm still in a great deal of discomfort...but I can't stay at home and sit there...being a worry wart.

Akira came with me to the emergency care, got off on time from work actually...worried as he could be.  We then went to Tokyo Table and he pulled out a few magazines on Japan and started showing me his plans for our little road trip. 

All of it was very endearing and very sweet, he was just extremely worried and was trying his best to calm me down.  We had a much needed make out session at dinner...I would have perferred sex, but since I'm sick...I'm out of order unitl Sunday, and Akira is so worried about me I doubt he'll do anything more then feather like touches just so he won't bruise me, looool. 

He was so mad that I worried myself sick.  But I always do that, anything major, I get so worried that I can't sleep or eat and well...I just get super sick.  It's because I'm so bored on weekends now because he works 14 days before he has a weekday off...so my weekends end up with me and a bottle of wine, either cleaning, seeing the girls, hanging out with mom, or reading....but lately...it's just been me, wine, some cigs, and the dread of failure in the Japan trip.  I'm not worried about anything except what his family will think of me...I think my past experinces with meeting my other half's families has scarred me.

I've never been really liked...especially by the mothers...so I've been dreading it...  I am dreading it.  But I can't think about it anymore, I have to get better so moving forward.

I am just going to focus on the small details...like packing and gifts...and think about it all later.  Much later....perferably after it's all over with.

Stress test

Well....we all knew it was coming, I finally had a nervous breakdown....I have a uti infection on top of the flu and sun poisoning.   Our family doctor who knows we are a paranoid lot, told me that I'll be better by the trip, but to calm down.

So Akir last night held me and tried to comfort me, but I can't stop zooming.   I mean....my mom is getting a divorce and is still a housewife in need of major health insurance because she's battling two different kinds of cancer, the business is changing from a repair shop to out sourced IT (my idea) which is great but has increased my work week by a good more ten hours....my uncle who is dying is being pulsed by the state to be unplugged and since my father is head if the family and since I'm the best English speaker...well...I'm a lot more involved then I would like to be, I am for unplugging my uncle has even asked me to do it...but the legal obligation is on my third world grandparents...so....

Then there's the trip to Japan, the move, oh and we have a peeping Tom that our neighbor called the police on so now I have a stalker, akira's weird hours at work leave me alone almost entirely, we are about to get married....I'm meeting everyone who basically no Japanese because work has been nuts and my brother quit and then came back so...I was running the entire thing for a while.  Then I find out yesterday that two of my main techs team leaders are quitting NEXT WEEK while I'm gone!

So....I'm sorry...but I think my break down is justified except now I'm in bed trying to battled with my mom to let me go to work....

I'll be so happy when the next four weeks are over!!!!!!