Being a Japanese Man's Wife

In light of everything...shallow...that has been revealed to me... I decided to brust a few hopeful bubbles out there of the girls dreaming of Japanese men in any shape or form, and to further contribute why there are fewer of these kinds of marriages then almost all other interracial marriages.

Being the wife to a Japanese man in today's world means that you should set your clock back about 65 years and get use to the idea of the ideal wife in 1950s America.   Most japanese women quit work after getting married.  A few will work a year or two, but once that kid pops out, it's like magic, they all stop working and somehow find contentment in being a housewife.  I truly do not understand how some women can handle being a housewife, especially to a man that is never around like Japanese men...so it must be a very lonely life.  I do find it amazing that Japan has an economy that can still survive on a single family income as opposed to us in the States where both are expected to work...but...perhaps there just aren't enough jobs.

As a result, finding a woman in a high professional position that is not related to fashion or cooking is nearly unheard of...so once more...1950s mind set.  I've started to think that the sole reason why many Japanese women even go to college is just in hopes of finding a husband either there or within the first few years of joining the work force.  Now of course there are exceptions.  There seems to be a tiny feminist movement in which many women just refuse to get married and instead work so they don't have to be a slave to a man that'll most likely cheat on them and never be around, yet be around long enough that the cleaning and cooking never stops...til the day he retires and then the women either get physically sick because the men are around  or just suck it up and divorce him.  They have names for these men, like a wet leaf and what not...which sounds cruel...until you realize what the hell it means to be a wife to a Japanese man.

First comes first...being submissive.

I'm not talking about just a little bit submissive...I'm talking about full out submission.  Her life is no longer her life, it's his life.  What time he goes to work, what time breakfast should be, what time dinner should be, having dinner ready and waiting for him to get off work 16 hours later to find out he's drunk and ate at work...ect.  Then if you find emails, or weird outings, this too should go unquestioned.  On top of the fact that no dish you will ever cook will ever be good enough.  You should except his criticisms as hints to improve yourself and since the Japanese never stop improving...you could spend a life time cooking a curry that just doesn't do it for him.  After all, you're not his mother or grandmother, so pretty much whatever you cook, it's never amazing.  So you see these women going to extremes with food.  How it's presented, how it'll mainly be from the raw basics, and how many of them spend a good few hours prepping the dish to be insulted a few hours later by just a nod and a movement towards the TV.  This is of course, if he shows up at home at a decent hour, which is probably also very rare.  None of this is suppose to upset you, because you have submitted your life to be part of his, not the other way around, and most certainly nothing along the lines of an equal partnership.  This submission also comes to play in the bedroom, where sex is solely just the man and the woman just lays there like an expensive piece of tuna, and in fact, being told such is suppose to be a high compliment.  Though honestly, if Akira ever told me I fucked like a dead fish...he may never be able to fuck anything ever again.  But seriously, it is a 1950s marriage with these guys...and you better believe I've been told to go to the kitchen and make him a sandwich in all seriousness.  At first I thought it was just an act...but nope...as soon as I get home, I swear Kennedy is president still.  Now the wives usually can go out and about...but there's an unspoken rule...if it's unpleasant, it's never to be brought up.  Of course, I can't do nearly half this shit, I swear sometimes I think he married me because of the sex...but anyway...

After being submissive...you must be cute. Which is the thing I find most annoying.

Cute.  If you see a cat, instead of calling it a cat, meow.  If you see something a little girl should be scared of, hide...  basically not only are you a 1950s wife, you're also a 5 year old girl.   How to pull sexiness off in such behavior, well a flash of flesh has been the secret of most Japanese women, but to be honest, if you're not suppose to be very active in bed...thhen screw sex if you ask me.  So they have to be cute, or act cute, and strive for both.  I fail in this 100% of the time, but because I make Akira laugh so much, and because I have moments of complete girlie air headness naturally...I succeed in cute...which pisses me off but I blame this on my voice and my face.  What I say and do is hardly cute. Not like anyone can understand me anyway...

So the women are cute.  And in all honesty, it's endearing...To watch some of these women keep their extreme girliness while their kid threw up all over them, or how they vacuum and clean without chipping a nail...takes a lot of effort.  Again, usually unappreciated and over looked.  Japanese women are masters at either being over stated or under stated.  I swear, eventually I'll start a bra burning in Tokyo or something.

The last part about being a Japanese man's wife is being alone....almost the entire time.

You need something fixed in the house, you better fix it cause God knows when your husband will be home for where or whatever...and it's usually work related.  I'm talking about from 6am til about 11pm, you're on your own a good 5 or 6 days out of the week.  I've gotten very use to the alone time.  I get depressed about it unless I'm at work or keeping myself very busy.  But I'm lucky that Akira actually WANTS to come home.  Most Jmen are not like that because they have either freaked themselves out at work to a stressed out basket case, or because there are more interesting activities still outside the home.  I highly doubt it's like how it is in the States, where some men are afraid to come home because of the yelling that'll start as soon as they open the door (and Akira gets to have that moment about every six weeks). 

Anyhow, the wives are alone.  Sometimes they have affairs, but usually...they don't because being a middle aged woman is almost worse then death over there I think, because she's expired milk so to say (as in she fails at playing the little girl because she looks like a woman now) and she doesn't have the power of an older woman, nor the respect.  So...like I said, when you marry a Jman, it's not your life anymore, it's his.  And my biggest issues with Akira is that he forgets with me, it's we, not him or me.  So...that's how we get into fights usually.  I'm sure his penis has a lot to do with that fact as well.  I can say this, I've gotten a lot handier in the house and with my car even.

So there you have it, you yellow fevered, make up man loving girls.  That's what you're longing for.... Good luck!

As for me, I'll fight it all the way, cause I love Akira, but I love myself also.  This marriage ain't no one way street unless I'm lying dead on it.

A picture of Akira's fat wife taken today. Fuck Japanese weight! Suck it bitches... I'm so pissed off!!!!

It's called... Having fucking curves! I even went to a weight doctor after Japan and my measurements were PERFECT. As in the ideal weight and inches for my height, how else did I fucking fit into a designer wedding dress in a fucking size ZERO.

Anyhow, in light that my husband has been looking up skinny bitches and complaining about my weight I will on such an extreme diet that he'll be thankful if I even touch the fucking kitchen anymore....that includes cooking!

Weight

Well....my angry ass had an out burst..

It started with me asking Akira to tell me honestly what he thought of my weight...since the mishap and all...I've gained weight and he agreed.  I knew it was bothering him...he's been dropping hints like telling me to exercise and eat healthy so I just flat out asked him.

I know that I have the excuse of the baby and the holidays...but I haven't gone up in clothing size...so figured it's just a few pounds...but then akira suggested that he would get a scale for me.  I know you guys are like 'palm to forehead' kind of deal... But it hurt my feelings.  So I thanked him and he went to work...and I just feel like crap.  He was telling me how I need to walk more, instead of just sitting around *which almost set me off but I kept my cool* and how I should eat healthier and on and on and on.

Then I go into his Facebook and find out he was searching for this Japanese chick that he knows and well...the combo of it set me off.

Plus he lied and denied even knowing her, even though they went to the same high school together and spent a year in Hong Kong together and she lives in his small little town.

I just feel ugly.

Nothing worse then competing with Japanese women when it comes to weight.

So I texted him and was like...who is so and so...and it just seemed crazy...but...

I dunno.

I'm fucking nuts.

Guns and the Japanese

So...Japan had something that I was not use to not seeing...guns.

Now I was raised in Alabama, the heart of the South, and I'm very happy about that aspect of my life because despite my prissy ways, as soon as I talk, I'm a country girl.  I think that shocks people the most..that and the fact that I have no issue teaching someone some manners even if it means breaking their nose to make them calm down.  Again...this falls into the typical American form of hating bullshit and performing an action to stop the bullshit as soon as possible.  We are famous for it.  It's why our politics get so dirty, why our comedy is so sarcastic, and why sexy is more related to sex and cute is more related to children.  In other words, after A comes B.  In Japan...if A comes...you are suppose to repeat A...and it's a constant polite loop that makes business slow and personal interactions a bit fake.  The only plus to that kind of interaction is that rarely there is open confrontation.  Whereas in the USA...debates...even heated...are welcomed as a sign of honest progress...at least...that's idea behind it. It's also why the general population is so pro-war...because the propaganda that fuels it is usually some reason along the lines of freedom and justice...when in reality it's all a lie...but that's another topic.

Anyhow, in light of the recent school shooting in America...a lot of the Japanese people I know (which is mainly women might I add) have gone super super anti-gun.  To the point to where...I just feel sorry for Japan in that respect.  Japan was never a gun free country.  USA occupation (as in, when Japan lost to the USA and we set up a ton of bases and forced them to completely get rid of their military.  We now are considered Japan's military...which to me sounds a lot like the USA turning Japan into an American colony...) forced Japan to outlaw any rights to owning any kind of weapon, this includes swords, a stamp of Japan's culture.  This is due to the fact that defeat in war...or in anything...isn't accepted unless it's a crippling defeat.  In which...well... suicide follows.  That's just culture.  In order to combat the culture and turn Japan into a massive work horse, the USA promised protect to Japan from her enemies and granted an insane amount of money to help rebuild the USA's new treasure...Japan.  

So... while Japan operates itself...it has follow strict guide lines of its conqueror or else...

And the military is very much active in Japan, as I got to see first hand in Japan.  Again...I felt really really bad for Japan.  Had it avoided defeat...or war...it would probably be a very different country right now... Instead of what it is...

Of course, had all this mess not happened, I might still be a single woman, lol.  Another interesting tid bit is that most Japanese/American marriages are usually a Japanese woman to an American soldier who got stationed in Japan.  Which makes sense.  I could also write why Japanese women tend to marry soldiers...but again...that's for another post.

Anyhow, I sit and listen to these women freaking out over guns and their kids, and I understand their fear, Japanese scare very easy (also to my surprise), but I will say the USA is no where near as safe as Japan is.  That's not due to having no guns, that's just due to the high amount of energy spent on honne and maintaining group harmony.  That is why crime is low in Japan, why organized crime is VERY high in Japan, and why safety in Japan has zero relation to whether its citizens can have guns or not.  Japan is safe because of its people, not due to lack of resources.  

Now...I do believe in people owning guns and using them reasonably and that I have used a gun in protection (no I didn't shoot anyone) and I can say, as a form of protection...nothing works better.

So, anytime I hear the Japanese complain about our guns...it's very hard for me to keep my honne in check, because all I can think is that these people don't understand that they are currently occupied by another country that owns guns and took away THEIR GUNS and that stating such things like "Well Japan is so safe because we made guns illegal and the USA should learn from us."  is completely and 100% false.  Japan is safe because the Japanese are very safe people and a very group orientated culture.  America has no standard culture.  The culture is constantly changing and evolving in accordance to immigration.   Two decades ago, someone that looked like Angelina Jolie or Kim Kardashian would not be a sex symbol because the typical sex symbol was a blonde due the the high amount of polish and german immigrates.  Currently Mexico and the Middle east have the highest form of immigration which is why darker, curvier women are mainstream in America.  The same can be said about Japan's sexual obsession with cuteness and white features...due to the high amount of influence Japan has from America.  One example is circle contact lens and how every woman between 18-35 has their hair dyed lighter.  

Back to topic...end of the story is, guns don't kill people, people kill people and how people behave is largely influenced by culture and the culture's view and form of aggression.

End rant, lol. 

I Smell Something...

I think I have wondered off on what this blog is really suppose to be about.  I ended up bitching and crying so much that I haven't really related any of it to...nationality???  

I really have no idea what the fuck this blog is about. 

I guess we can touch on social interactions and how they are different.

Akira is not a very social animal however he does have a social "mask".  This "mask" is what I guess the Japanese refer to as honne.  Now...I understand everyone puts up a social front...though I'm not very good at it...  anyhow, Akira's honne is this cool guy with a lot of energy and...dominate.  I actually find him to be a bit of an ass, but that's because I know who he is now...back when I didn't know Akira...I just thought he was a playboy who was too serious about work.  That impression was due to his honne and lead me to believe a false identity mainly because I was stupid and didn't factor his culture into our first few meetings.  Had I done that, I would have saved myself a lot of paranoia.  So...if you are considering a Jman...just remember you won't meet the real guy for a while...and you have to break down the wall of bullshit that honne has enforced all his life.  All i can tell you is...good luck with that.  It drove me nuts.  His honne still drives me nuts, and probably my biggest pet peev with him other than the other stereo type he falls into... 

I have no idea how to tweak this aspect of him into a friendly version that is closer to who he really is...and I blame that on the fact that he grew up in such a male dominated area...however...it's more of a pride domination rather then an aggressive domination like it is here in the States.  I don't think Japanese men are very aggressive...at all.  Even in business...I see it more as dedication towards a company rather then aggressive ambition.  A lot of Japanese men are passive aggressive and perhaps that is due to the fact that surface harmony is more important than...well...honestly, even God or love or anything that includes personal harmony because group harmony is more important.   Here in the States there's a phrase for it," keep the bullshit flying. "  I think that sums up what honne is actually for...and I think it's both useful and harmful equally.  

And in many of my social interactions with friends and throwing Akira in the mix...extremely annoying and confusing with a decent dash of..."we will talk about this when we are alone".  

By far...the most annoying aspect to get use to for me as an American...the absence of pointing out the b.s.  

Nom nom nom

Well I have to admit...even though my NYE wasn't very exciting...I really loved this New Years.

I've always gone out for NYE.  You know me...flashy dresses and drinking and partying and spending the next day hung over watching the Rose Parade...but this year...we went Japanese.  ;-)

First we went to Ikea and used one of our wedding gifts (an Ikea gift card) and got a new coffee table, a book shelf, tatmai like mats, a new dining table and chairs and some paintings (the fake mats were as to not offend anyone for using a sitting table instead of a Japanese one...Akira's idea...not mine...but looks great none the less).  We spent NYE putting everything together, which took about four hours...then prepared an amazing sushi dinner <3 .  It was delightful, and even though we didn't stay up til midnight because Akira had work at 4am....it was really lovely to have a successful project together followed by a romantic dinner.  Pics below...

So it was very very pleasant...

Akira and I had a bit of a fight the night before NYE, but it was quickly resolved because I wrote it off to him just being a grump due to being tired from work.  Understandable...somewhat...

Other than that...I don't feel like writing anymore...so I'll write more tomorrow :-)

Happy New Year everyone!

Next Trip to Japan

So... Akira and I have made peace.  Mainly because we refuse to talk about it all and while he waited for me to get over it, I waited for the prozac to kick...and it has.  It's nice to live anxiety free once more. I have more energy again...so I'm cleaning and cooking again and working better once more...

I think I've been depressed ever since Japan.  Akira and I certainly haven't been the same since Japan.  I think I was extremely disappointed in myself for being so unprepared for his home...but one of the duties of being a wife to a Japanese man is that there will be many many trips to Japan.  Our next trip was made yesterday, for the first week in May.  I'm a little sad because that means I will most likely miss the cherry blossoms...one of my goals in life to see...but we will be going to see Akira's oldest sister get married.  So that should be pretty entertaining actually.

I'm amazed with Asia's weddings and how they stage Western aspects in it.  To be honest, most wedding pictures it's very hard for me to not laugh over, but I'm extremely interested in his sister's wedding because she grew up in the States, so I have a feeling her wedding might actually make sense.

I am also very very happy to get another chance to go to Japan and actually know what to expect.  This means that perhaps I can have a much better experience of the place since my first trip was so shocking.  I guess I'm thinking more and more about this because Akira has started to by Japanese fairy tale books for our futrure children and it occurred to me that I really needed to pay more attention because my children are going to Japanese as well as American.

So...still no sex.  But life is improving.