Next Trip to Japan

So... Akira and I have made peace.  Mainly because we refuse to talk about it all and while he waited for me to get over it, I waited for the prozac to kick...and it has.  It's nice to live anxiety free once more. I have more energy again...so I'm cleaning and cooking again and working better once more...

I think I've been depressed ever since Japan.  Akira and I certainly haven't been the same since Japan.  I think I was extremely disappointed in myself for being so unprepared for his home...but one of the duties of being a wife to a Japanese man is that there will be many many trips to Japan.  Our next trip was made yesterday, for the first week in May.  I'm a little sad because that means I will most likely miss the cherry blossoms...one of my goals in life to see...but we will be going to see Akira's oldest sister get married.  So that should be pretty entertaining actually.

I'm amazed with Asia's weddings and how they stage Western aspects in it.  To be honest, most wedding pictures it's very hard for me to not laugh over, but I'm extremely interested in his sister's wedding because she grew up in the States, so I have a feeling her wedding might actually make sense.

I am also very very happy to get another chance to go to Japan and actually know what to expect.  This means that perhaps I can have a much better experience of the place since my first trip was so shocking.  I guess I'm thinking more and more about this because Akira has started to by Japanese fairy tale books for our futrure children and it occurred to me that I really needed to pay more attention because my children are going to Japanese as well as American.

So...still no sex.  But life is improving.

Happy...pills

I sure wish this Prozac would kick so I can be sane enough to get my wedding dress sealed up before it turns yellow...

Still acting sweet.  Still want to scream and still crying.

Still have the flu.

Still have all my stalkers despite the fact I just got married...so...

With all that...I'm pretty much the bitch from every man's worst nightmare.  On top of still healing so I still haven't had sex and now I don't even want to fuck Akira cause I'm so grossed out that I'm just...

Ready to set shit on fire...but doing very very well at playing Mrs. Married Sunshine.

I can't wait til I'm well enough to work out again...or hell...to even drink again.

Because Men are fucking HEARTLESS

Well I found out even more details about the hours following our wedding...and it resulted in me slapping him in the face...which is 100% wrong of me to do and I feel horrible for...

At the same time, now the entire memory of our wedding is ruined in my mind because all I can think of is that before he touched me, he was touching paid nude sex workers.

Just so yall don't think I'm lying about sex workers and how bad it is, even though I worked at a strip club for a short time frame...even I couldn't handle it...

http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/stripc1.htm

Just breaks my heart.

I'm now back on Prozac...trying to stay calm and forgive Akira.  I love the man...I'm just sick of having the same fight, over and over and over.

I blame Japanese society and their sex industry a lot...but for this action.. this was all Akira.

Today is his birthday...so I'm trying to be sweet and mellow...

Last night we made a gingerbread house, and the egg nog made me friendly once more, but this morning I saw my wedding dress and just cried the entire time I showered.

So I messaged my mother and got me some Prozac because it's not like I can divorce him or anything...and it's the holidays so I can't do a solo trip anywhere to escape the rage and hurt I have...

So ...I'm fucked until further notice.

So we are married

And wouldn't luck have it that he snuck off to a strip club that my brother took him too but also where one of my friends work. So I happy we r married but I'm pissed as hell he went to a strip club after everything. I told him this morning I'd make it even. And I will. He gets a naked girl on his lap then I get a naked man on mine. It's all in fun right? *rolls eyes*

Wedding belle blues

Well I have successfully experienced wedding drama.  My father is the biggest liar known to man.  He had promised to buy my wedding dress along with all that goes along with it...but yesterday morning he demanded the money back via speaker phone with my stepmother calling me a thief when my father handed me his credit card card three days ago and told me to get a real gown...which I did.  Here's the kicker, my mother actually paid for the gown, the only thing that I charged on my Father's card were the veils, the hair clip and a backless bra.

He hasn't paid for a thing, my mother, myself, and Akira have paid for everything else in this vastly thrown together event.

So for the past 30 hours or so I have been in tears because not only is my father a liar and successfully made me out as a thief to my step mother who hates me btw, but he has tainted my veils...and the very image of him giving me away at the alter.  He has also refused to show up.

The wedding is this Tuesday....

On top of that, no one has stood up to defend me and Akira, when I asked him to confront my father, got mad at me.

So there goes any kind of dream of a decent wedding...or a wedding period.

There also goes my relationship with my father.

The dress is beautiful btw...it's by Sue Wong...and I got it 60% off at Nordstrom, and I squeezed into it which is a miracle considering its a size 0.

I'm just heartbroken.

And comfort food is out of the question due to the fact that I'm doing a liquid fast just to fit into the damn beautiful thing.

Also, none of my girlfriends have offered to do anything special for me...it's just been horrible.

So sad....

Models and voices

Well, it's five days until we get married...and I'm dieting like no other...I'm also getting hit on like no other.  I guess God wants to test my faithfulness...because one of my new stalkers is a Japanese guy who models for Abercrombie.  Yes, he's drop dead gorgeous, and yes, I assumed he was gay because of it which was a mistake because I ended up talking to him for a while every time he came into our store.  I even nicknamed him iSoftbank because he comes in with tons and tons of Japanese iPhones all the time. 

Anyhow, yesterday he left me a little letter on my desk asking me for coffee and gave me his number...and I immediately threw it away.  Even if I were single, I could never handle something like that.  I mean he's very nice, but a model who is Japanese has Playboy (or Playgirl) written all over it. So this morning he called the office (to find out why I never contacted him and then to try to convince me that we could be "just friends") and was like, wow, you're wow in person, but on the phone...your voice sounds so beautiful, and I put the guy on hold and gave it to a coworker to take over.  

It's not helping the fact that Akira thinks it's fun that we are fasting on our sex until our wedding night, and I'm hitting two weeks of no action (I'm an everyday, every way kind of sex in need girl).  So I'm like a walking horn dog, it's horrible. I am literally all over Akira, all the time, just begging for it.  It's frustrating.  And he holds out, I mean, he had a moment, but he kept his pants on so I don't think I can crack him!!!

I can honestly say that iSoftbank has not entered into my day dreams (because I'm very strict on myself because I don't even want to THINK unfaithfully), but...still...I'm going to have to stun gun the guy if he doesn't keep his distance.  

And he's not the only guy.  There's yet another adorable Japanese guy who is a student who is just as cute as a button.  Thankfully he's not sexy either. 

Then just about every other guy has either tried to rub up against me (my lawyer 'by accident' stroked my ass while I was getting coffee...and you bet your ass he's no longer my lawyer)

As much as I would love to just tie Akira up and have my way, this whole ordeal has done nothing but confirm to me that Akira is the one.  Because while these guys are interesting, at the end of it all, it's Akira I want.  

But if this gets any worse...I'm buying a vibrator.

One more reason why I love him

Akira went to a bakery to pick up coffee and what he thought was Christmas cookies. Lol! For those of you who don't know, tis the season now for Hanukkah, the Jewish festival of lights. It's a long story and also in the Bible, but the symbol for the season is also a star but it's 6 point star whereas the Christmas star is five point. (confusion is easy on this if you're not use to the Abrahamic religions). As a result, Akira Christmas cookies ended up being a batch of Jewish flat cookies (also a ong story on why yeast isn't added). None of this really matters to me as I'm Muslim (Sufi). But I always find Akira's Japanese vs American concepts entertaining since he's so westernized I hardly correct him because I find him being foreign one of his most charming aspects. As a result, this is my new favorite picture of my sweetie <3

tiny update

Well 8 days and counting until I become Mrs. Akira.

I'm pretty happy about it all.  Akira has been an angel during my recovery...we cried over our loss and the whole bit for a good few days...and decided that until his transfer is complete...that I would have complete say on when we would try again.

As a result next period I'm getting an IUD inserted.  Should be fun...but it's effective and will not add any new chemicals in my body (I can't do birth control where they increase my hormone levels because when I was 20 they found cancerous growth on my cervix, so no hormones for this girl...) .  I don't mind it...I'd rather have a cork screw up me then a pill that will make me gain weight and cry on a dime, which is what the pill did to me when I was on it.  And I've seen my sister in law do the shots and gain almost 100 pounds, and a coworker had almost the same experience...so I'm not a chicken to pain and surgery.  Give me the chemical free, 99% effective (where the pill is 92%) IUD.

So then the next time I get knocked up, it's because we discussed wanting a child and it also requires me having another procedure to remove the thing, and therefore...it will be 100% agreed upon to become parents.

I've had it with this up and down bullshit on kids.  And my body is getting a beating due to it.  So I'm taking it into my own hands.

In other news...silence has come from the East.  Not a peep.

I don't think it'll last long, but I do hope everything is okay.  I'm starting to realize I should be thankful for having a rough life because these kind of things really don't phase me.  As long as the sister isn't successful at her ordeals...I've written it all off to attention and a broken heart.  I'm sure in a few months she'll recover.  She's pretty enough I think to get a decent amount of attention.

Akira...Akira is okay...I think.  It's hard for me to read him lately, mainly because I've been in such horrible pain that i can't focus on anything else...but he's been a cuddle bug lately, and has taken a vow of chasity (even self inflected) until I'm healed, which should be on our wedding night actually...so it works out.  He's been supportive in the ways he knows how.  Everything finally got hung up in the apartment that was too heavy for me to hang up (I'm a weak, short thing...so there was a lot of stuff that's been leaning on the walls for weeks waiting for his help) and this morning he even cleaned as a wobbled around with a heating pad strapped to my back.  So he's been wonderful.

I love him.

End of story.

Weather has been rainy.  Most likely will stay that way for the next week.  suppose to be sunny on D day but we'll see.

The pets are doing well.  They are a little stir crazy from the rain and the lack of being outside, but mostly they are fine.

Christmas shopping....still haven't even started yet.

Birthday shopping...still haven't started that either, but have an idea of what to get.

Money is draining.....

*face to the desk*