Visas and what not

Since Akira is in Akiraland and so zoned into work that he even misses his court dates...

I don't know if any of you can help, but I need info on what paperwork needs to be filed...on both sides...USA and Japan...for things like marriage, work, ect....

I plan hopefully not this weekend, but the next, going to the Embassy of Japan in LA with Akira to figure some of it out...if I can get him there.

Circle Lens are CREEPY! Stop wearing them girls!

WTF?!  No........

When you guys wear them and don't photoshop the shit out of your pictures in them, and especially in real life, you ladies look creepy and dumb as fuck.  It's like if I stuffed my bra with socks, and you could see the socks popping out of my top.

STOP!

It is NOT cute.  It is weird because those of you who are Asian should be PROUD to be Asian, and you white girls wearing them...are you on glue? 

Your eyes are already big!  Jesus.  I hate hate hate when people hate like another ethnic group then what they are!  It's like a white guy, sagging his pants, and being like, yo bitches what up? 

Nothing dumbass.  You're white.

You know...I have a girl friend who is Mexican, and she is...well...was BEAUTIFUL.  But she had a thing for middle eastern guys, and as you can now tell, we middle easterners have huge grasshopper eyes...and she thought in order to get one to like her...she needed to surgerically get her eyes wider.

She was getting a ton of attention, she was a fucking model!!!!  Now she looks....I kind you not, like a shocked zombie.

IT"S NOT FUCKING CUTE!  Stop pretending to be something you are not.  Nothing is more annoying then to see someone else pretending to be your race.

Trust me on that.

THIS is creepy because it's FAKE, I swear, she looks like a demon who got a make over at Macy's.

That above looks in no way...natural...because Asian beauty isn't that....I'm sorry. 

This lady down here is beautiful, she looks elegnant and like a person who isn't made to be a man's toy.  She's real and not in denial of being a woman instead of trying to look like an under age girl some sick guy can get his jollys off on.  (though it would be a good way to weed what men should be in prison)

End rant.



It's not a date...It is a date! Part 2

During the car ride to downtown San Diego, I started to get nervous.  If I had had all day to prep myself for the fact that I was going on a date after swearing men off for a year, I think I still wouldn't have been okay because I thought for sure there was no way a Japanese man could ever find me atractive.

I'm not blonde, I'm not short (I'm 5'7") and I'm not skin and bones.  On top of that, I don't go around pretending to be overly cute (women like that make me want to smack them with a shovel) and I'm by no means innocent.  I had dated men from everywhere, from every social class, including Saudi royality for almost two years...and I've been at escort parties, yachts that were basically $6,000 entry sex parties (no I did not get involved in any of that shit, but I did see it)...so...it's pretty hard to shock me.  And I have a very low view of men.  I think they're overly horny, rude, with massive egos and by no means give a rat's ass about how women deal with life...and deal with them.  So...I can't pretend to be cute...but I am a huge nerd...so I'm extremely dorky.  I'll shuffled down a sidewalk, or...like when we finally got to dinner...I walked balancing on my the back of my high heels.  Luckily he just smiled and let me in and then I realized which nervous twitch I did, since I was trying desperately not to play with my hair like a 5 year old. 

Anyhow..I was not prepared.  So I got hammered.

I'm not even joking, that night I had at least 10 martinis.  At least.  Dinner went well, though I couldn't begin to even tell you what we talked about, only that I had a great time and by the end of dinner I was amazed that he folded the tip into a tiny elephant. 

"This is what my people do, " Akira said folding up the money, "We fold paper." 

I held the little elephant in my hand and just looked at him and back at the paper, and thought, well he's just a little charmer now isn't he? 

But he wasn't, he was just actually that sweet.  He was actually a good person.  He told me his story about how he grew up back and forth between Japan and the States, and how he was constantly in conflict on how to identify what he was or where home was...and I totally got that because I grew up multi-cultured too.  Let me tell you guys something, East and West, it's Black and White.  Totally different.  And at least the Japanese accept a lot of Western ideas, try growing up with an Iranian father...  shit gets confusing.  There's even a term for people that grew up multi-cultured, Third Culture Kids.  It's where you stop seeing a bunch of small cultures, and start seeing the bigger picture and how everything and everyone is connected in one weird way or another...and it makes you very open minded.  So when you grew up like that, it's hard to relate to anyone because people from either one of the cultures you grew up in is too narrow minded to understand the other culture you also grew up in.

So I was really happy, he was very smart, and very humble, and ackwardly funny...and by the end of the night, we came to realize that we were complete dorks.  We had ended up at the W Hotel, that has a sand bar on the roof, that I thought would be good for us to go to after dinner.  We drank and drank and laughed and laughed...and one thing lead to another, in a mess of confusion...and I ended up waking up at Akira's.

I instantly cursed myself!  I was so mad and so upset that I locked myself in the bathroom for a good hour, hung over as hell, only to realize that in three hours I had to organize my girl friend's grad party.  So I walked back into the room and sat down next to him...and we tried to remember how we even got there...and where the hell were my pants???? 

I told him that I don't do one night stands, and he laughed and told me he was worried but that he knew my mother, and that he wasn't in this for a one night ordeal either.  I laughed that off, because I couldn't picture him wanting a relationship now with this hung over mess....so I told him I had to leave to do the grad party.  He looked at me, and was like, mind if I join you?  I was shocked.  I thought for sure I'd leave and just never hear from him again.  Sure. Come.

And he did, we spent the next three days together, and by the third day, well...we were in a relationship...by the end of the week, he had given me the key to his apartment.

It was all so fast, but in all honesty, it was all so right. We clicked so so so well.  He is, to this day, the person I have the most fun, the best person to rely on, and the best lover I've ever had.  He was Akira...plain and simple, no tricks, no lies.  Just himself, and for the first time, I was myself again.  I was painting again, I was reading again, I stopped partying and hating the world, and just started to relax.  He took and still takes, me out into nature a lot.  And it's amazing...we just...I dunno...breathe out the stress, the saddness, everything.  Even my nightly nightmares of getting raped stopped after a month, and trust me, after a good 17 years of having them every night...it was amazing just to sleep an entire night again.  He didn't save me...I'm not saying that, but he allowed me to be me and loved me for it...so I ended up stopping the cycle of constantly destroying myself.  And he's still here, still my rock and my best friend.  I love him.  A chance meeting, an arranged dinner, and a drunken night...all lead to being with someone who dealt with all my craziness with a smile.  Sure we have our ups and our downs...I'm very insecure and very jealous, and he's got his issues too...but it's really nothing too daming.  He's good for me and I'm good for him, as alike as we are, we're different enough that it balances out, and we entertain each other really really well.  And well...the sex...I'm constantly all over him anytime I'm around him, poor guy. I'm extremely thankful.  We're extremely thankful.  Pictures are of us at breakfast, me making fun of his love for maps and using a straw as a pointer, and me doing a face casue I get nervous when he takes pictures of me.  And the bottom is us...failing on camera timing.

Side note on Instagram...

Is anyone...impressed with this thing??? Why is it worth a billion dollars????   I don't get it.  I think it makes pictures look super fake....

Normal photo

And now we know why I burn which is ironic since my father is middle eastern....

And here is the photo Instagramed

OoooooooooooOoooooOOO...kay........

But! But....I did make some of Akira that turned out good...!!!!

I just love him <3 

But I'm not impressed with Instagram....





It's not a date...It is a date. Part 1

So time goes along and Akira comes back from Chicago, and I truly think nothing of it because that day my mother had to put her poodle down due to illness, so when the following Monday rolls around I get a text from Akira...first of him in Chicago under a sign that says Akira, and the next text is asking if I'm free for dinner either Tuesday or Thursday.  I agreed to both, but due to our work schedule's...it turned into a Friday night where we both ended up late...but I'm getting a head of myself. 

So Friday morning came along and I was getting dressed and as I was getting dressed I realized I would have no time to change for dinner...but did I even need to dress up?  Was this even a date?  So I went to my mother in my poka dotted shirt and jeans and asked her if Akira had asked me on a date, or was this a friendly dinner???  I am not use to men and women being friends...I have yet to actually meet a man who just wanted to be friends...even men I had known for years and I thought we were friends, over the past few years, one by one admitted to being in love and a few asked me to marry them much to my shock and disappointment.

Now Akira on the other hand has a TON of female friends (saddly most that I have encountered have added drama in our lives but that's later on), and not a lot of man friends, at least none as close to him as his female counter parts.  So I was completely confused and I honestly thought the guy was a player.  (we had added each other on facebook)  

So with that reasoning, both my mother and I thought it was NOT a date, and therefore my attire was just fine because I certainly wasn't going to be played again by any man. 

So I went to work, and while I was at work my mother popped in with what we thought was a poodle puppy (that's another story) and as I was playing with the puppy, Akira texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet at the place (which was still undecided) or if he should pick me up like a real date?  I showed the text to my mother in panic.  It was a date!!!! I rushed to the first teeny bopper store I could find and bought a white lacy top (cause if a player was going to take me out then I was going to play back, I wasn't going to be a victim or seem unprepared)...and started doing my hair, nails, and make up...via down the freeway.

We had agreed to meet at a local Wal-Mart, because one, I wasn't sure I wanted him to know where I lived, and two, I didn't want to end up at his place after the date so I didn't want to drive to him...so we decided on Wal-Mart.  (I know that sounds like white trash, but if you have been through what I have been, it never hurts to be a little paranoid) 

Like I said, I get men coming on to me every single day.  And it would be fine if they were gentlemen, like most men in the South, but hell no...there are a lot of fucking weirdos out there.  Examples are men randomly coming up and playing with my hair, one guy even kissed it, others include stalking me on the freeway, on the train, stalking me at work, getting people to ask about me, one guy even pretended to be a computer geek and talked to me like I was his mistress and he was my slave (he would be like, I'll do anything you want, you smell so sweet you can do nothing wrong), I would get a host at a steakhouse whispering into my ear the things he wanted to do to me in that red dress...while I would be waiting for a table...I get customers calling me up at work asking me if I can sing to them or moan (I have a small voice, I guess high pitched but I'm soft spoken...so it could be that...I dunno...it could be these guys are perverts)...and all kinds of just plain out weird shit.  So with what I have heard of Japanese men....I wasn't going to take any chances.  Call me paranoid, but I know...there are more men that a fucking weirdos then not.

So I sat in my car, waiting for him in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and he called telling me he was driving around looking for me.  So I started driving around looking for him.  This went on for a good 15 min when we realized we were at different Wal Marts.  I was mortified because I thought it was my fault, but he laughed and laughed and blamed it on himself and told me to stay right there, that he was on his way and even apologized.

Well...that actually...eased me.  I hung up, giggled, and turned on the music and started singing along.   Sooner then I realized, he pulled up, jumped out of the car, and opened the door...to both cars...whisling along to the song I was just singing!!!  I got a little flushed at seeing him...but as soon as we got into the car, he started laughing and telling me how perfect our date started out to where we were both late, and both in the wrong location!  And then went right along with the song and handed me his ipod.  "I dunno what you want to listen to...but I made this song list last night because I figured you'd enjoy something in there, "  he started sliding the list back and forth on the iPod and I was surprised cause it was all classic rock, and all really great songs.  So I just gave it back to him and told him it was a great list and asked him where we were going?

"Welllllllllllll....I don't know.  I was going to take you to a place with great prime rib...that I needed to see for work...but I think we should stay away from work and go to the docks from some seafood?  What do ya say?"  His english was flawless, no accent at all...classic rock...I was starting to realize I had no clue what this guy was up to.  I told him seafood sounded great...and started to get nervous again....

My Mother and moments of wisedom.

Is quite a woman.  Now so is my father, I could write on and on about them, and how I admire them both, but my mother I can blissfully say is also a great friend.

She grew up with a silver spoon, and yet she's pretty humble and chose love (my father, an immgrate from third world Iran...who grew up poorer then dirt and yet made himself into a successful man and brought as much as the family as he could out of the revolt in Iran when he left in 1978)...but my mother is truly open minded.  She grew everywhere but here in the States.  She was actually born in Japan (her niece was Cherryblossom Queen...not sure what that means, other then I'm surprised the South's love for beauty contests brought her to Japan as well) and traveled the world.  She spent her teen years in Kwait, Saudi Arabia, and Iran.  Now that I'm older and I can see my parents as people, I can see how my father fell in love with her so deeply.  She's just a cute person...correction she's a beautiful person.  Always happy and loving, cutely shy and a complete blonde.  

Anyhow, Akira has been having one hell of a week traveling on the job.  I drove up to LA last night to stay with him, hoping we'd enjoy a day of shopping since his job has destroyed almost every outfit he owns...but alas...his 21 hour work day got into the mix, and it's not his fault.  He's 25 and in charge of a massive massive project in the company.  The company has been failing, and this project could single handingly save it, and they put him in charge of it.  Now he can certainly do it.  He's extremely bright and a very hard worker, but I get scared at how hard he pushes himself.  I could see him as one of those guys the find dead at his desk. 

He's suppose to come home for tonight, and as I was leaving LA back to San Diego to go to the shop and get things for dinner, my mother called and I told her all about what was going on and she promised me that she would talk to some people to tell them to do their part.  A lot of people have been slacking, and since it's Akira's project, he blames himself for it all, but really...I think it's just the American/ Japanese work eithic that is causing all these issues because the project is pumping out very fast and well...we just don't operate that quick.  So my mother told me what I should cook and what I should do since at 25 Akira's blood pressure is oddly high, even though he has a great body and eats well....I blame it on the company.

But she eased me and I think she talked to Akira as well...the only thing any of us can do is just try to make the rest of his life smooth sailing.  My life is pretty easy going, and I don't mind going in circles for him when he's going through hell.  I'm a feminist but I'm not a bitch.  Dinner and a clean home with a hot bath...no problemo dear!  Just get home in piece...

You Must have been Ugly as a Child

You have no idea how many times I've heard that...from men. Constantly I worry about the male IQ. Everytime I'm at a gas station for instance, men assume I have no idea what gas even is, and offer to pump my gas and explain to me what octane levels are...

Then I happily tell them that I studied astro-physics, political science, and criminal justice in school, and go on about how the middle east is basically colonies and how I hate the sight of oil much less the fact that I'm dependent on it. Which is why I got the hybrid.

This is usually followed with a clearing of the throat, an awkward smile and then... "Wow, so you must have been ugly as a child, you're funny."

Funny...because when a woman throws out a few facts it's not because she's smart...no no...she's TRYING to be smart, which is cute...because only men are smart. That's what that retarded comment comes from. And no....I was not ugly as a child....but lord was I ever as a teenager.

To the point that when I turned 17, and I grew in a VERY small town in Alabama...that when I came back for senior year, kids that have known me since the first grade thought I was a new student.

Anyhow that never really phased me because I had just become engulfed into my telescope. Lord have mercy I took that thing with me everywhere and it was not a small ordeal. Oh no my friends, I could hook it up to my laptop and track data (which I ended up having a small map of the the galaxy because one thing it could not do was graph, so my graph notebook traveled along in the case as well) it was motorized (which I know a lot of people consider cheating but the times I had to fix the damn thing because it kept breaking was enough karma...trust me) and I was just in love with it.

It was like when I took violin. I love love love violin. I hate crowds remember? So anytime I had to perform in front of a group I would freeze. Literally. I would not move.

So there went 7 years of that down the drain...but the telescope! I didn't have to be around anyone! In fact.. I have to GO AWAY from everyone...which in Alabama is a piece of cake because it's all farms, forest and swamplands.

So I end up getting engaged in high school (in grand southern tradition *now I bet everyone is reading this with a southern accent*) and said, screw you UCI I'm going to the University of Alabama because of my man (see the trend).

Which is fine because Alabama actually have an AMAZING astro-physics department and are very actitive with NASA (which my father was working with at the time) so I was pretty happy. I had class every day. Saturday and Sunday too. On top of that, since my ex was...well...my ex...I ended up supporting us too, so I also had a job.

Let me say this...I freaking loved it! Loved loved loved it!

Until my ex and I had a massive fight over income, and how astro-physics really doesn't have a career. Well at the time, I had gone to a Trekkie Con (yep...not ashamed) and had run into a few abused women there who were protesting something outside. Anyhow, I got to know these women more and more, started getting into politics more and more, and BAM, more majors added to the plate. No biggie...cause I burned through these classes. I didn't make As I made over them. 103, 101...burn burn burn.

Then my world fell apart... My father (who had disowned me in the process) had a heart attack back in California. Now let me tell you something, my father may be strict, but I love that man dearly. He's just my world, so is my mother, I'm freakishly close with my family. So I told my ex about it, and he told me that if I left that the engagement would be off. Now he said that because he thought my father was barbaric (again, in grand Southern tradition) and this was when the Iraqi war just started. In fact I watched the first attack as my mother was getting experimental surgery that saved her life, she's battling cancer. Tough cookie, my mother. He also thought that my father would arrange me to meet men he thought I was better suited for (which he didn't do that at the time, but when I was 20-24, he did). I told him that was insane. I had no time and I only had a few days so I had to go.

So I went. I came back, my ex picked me up, took my ring (I had to go to work right then), and I kissed him figuring he'd be there wanting to talk once I got off from work.

I came home to a completely trashed, empty apartment.

He had taken everything.

There I was, 20, my mother battling cancer that they deemed her fatal for, my father recovering from a heart attack...and me...left all alone...heart broken.

Oh my God, nothing had ever hurt worse. I thought my life was over. I really really did. In fact, I haven't been myself the past six years until I met Akira. Even my family tell him how he saved me. My father even told him thank you for giving me back my daughter.

These people in my life...I don't take them for granted. I know all too well...anytime it could be over.

Picture is of me and my little brother <3

The second love in my life would be amazing girl friends!

AHHHH!!!!!!! My posting got deleted AGAIN!

Anyhow, this is my best friend, Naseem (who came from Japan six years ago, she's half Japanese/Persian), the girl who I thought would be perfect for Akira (and still kind of do because they are EXACTLY alike, down to the day and year they were born).

We met six years ago, ironically in a Persian class trying to learn Farsi since our Persian fathers never taught us anything except boys are evil, drinking is evil, and smiling is slutty.

We clicked instantly.

I like my tea and my coffee...my coffee and my tea

Sorry, I'm hyped up at work...not working...

I'm co-owner in a tiny computer company here in Orange County...so when we are dead...there's really nothing to do... sooooo....

After my chance run in with Akira, and after a good deal of mom telling me over and over that it wasn't arranged...and after my grandfather dying and going to dc only to come back and total my car...

I finally agreed to meet Akira offically, much to my mother's and Hisayo's joy.

First we were all suppose to go to Sea World...which I thought was safe because I could be mildly entertaining and let the fishes do the rest...then it got switched to bowling because at the time Akira was gone on the weekends for work...

So on a Tuesday night, after work and my drive I finally reached San Diego around 8ish to meet up with my mother, Hisayo and Akira. From what I was TOLD it was just suppose to introduce us so we could be friends, sinec Akira had only been there for about six months and really hadn't connected with anyone yet.

I thought that was great (not that he hadn't connected with anyone, but the whole friendship ordeal) because when I left Orange County after be left abondaned at LAX with a fake engagement ring and a black eye (my ex was from Saudi Arabia)...I had ZERO friends in San Diego...save for more Saudi men...which I had abosolute no desire to hang out with.

So I happily beebopped to the bowling lane, only to have my mother flag me down and tell me that the alley was closed due to a tournoment. Hisayo told Akira to meet us instead at a Thai Cafe.

My heart stopped.

I was too tired to be witty, too sober to be calm. I started freaking out and trying to find a way to get out of it, but Hisayo decided that my mom should wait for Akira (who took the 15 min of free time he rarely had to pop his clothes in the wash) and join us since we hadn't reserved a table.

Well I just started to freak out, but Hisayo is this, too cool, kind of tom boy woman...and her cool exterior is something I tried to copy. So as we waited for a table, she sat coolely next to me and I started to fiddle with my hair.

So...how old is he? I ask her. She shrugged and said, I dunno, young.

Than she told me to stop playing with my hair and we sat down at the table where she instantly ordered me plum wine and sake, and told me to drink up and calm down. (I have to say, I do have a soft spot for that woman).

After my first glass, and a bit of stupidity or courage was induced in me, Akira and my mother popped up.

Long story short, we clicked. Same music, same views, same likes, same dorkiness...we just completely clicked. I liked him so much that I decided that I was going to help him find a girlfriend and instantly told him about my best friend who was from Japan too and was half Persian too. And he just nodded and kept asking me question after question. What baseball team did I love? Would I go sky diving? Longest road trip? On and on... and finally I just asked for his number because I was getting quite tipsy and I just thought I found my friend's soulmate.

As soon as I pulled out I got a text from him that he wanted to go out after he came back from Chicago and that he was really happy that he met me. Aww, I thought, what a nice guy! So I told him the same and agreed. I instantly started plotting the bar crawl since every Japanese person I've ever met drink like a fish...

Little did I know what would happen to me the following Friday...

Above is a picture from that faithful day.

Half breed rant-ish

Akira is away on work and he's certainly stressed and I am certainly bored and depressed by the constant aching of wanting him to come back home. I see him once or twice a week, either I drive up to LA and stay in his room with him or he comes back down late only to leave early in the morning just to finally get some decent rest here at home. He's starting to burn out and with a good month or so still planned for his travels on the company's stores...I'm worried about it all.

I'm low on engery. I'm actually a bit depressed over a matter that I'm sure if any one ever read this blog would prefer not to know or really care anything about.

My friend had her child today. Made me insanely happy and jealous at the same time. Made me long for marriage and once again hate the time frame given to women and to Akira's visa status which constantly ticks in my head like a bomb waiting to go off on Doom's Day.

I wish my monthly would hit. I think that would ease a good deal of my worries. I keep telling myself that soon life will move into some kind of normal pace...but I've been waiting almost 27 years for that, and it seems that I'm doomed to just wait. Not that I don't try to fight it, try to get out of constantly being in limbo. I wish Akira would make up his mind on where he wants to stay at...here or Japan...because then I could focus on work.

I have to say it saddens me thinking about leaving our little love nest. A lot of things lately make me sad. It's my oncoming birthday...27. Ten years ago I had such a vastly different view of the world.

It's okay. Time passes, things go on, life goes as it wishes.

Perhaps I should change my hair or something...freshin' things up a bit. Though with dark features it's hard to look natural...except stay dark..so maybe a shaping cut...and I'm dying for a good laser treatment.

Hairiness...curse of the Persians for giving us such grasshopperish eyes.

I keep thinking that at least our children should have the correct amount of hair. A Japanese man with a hairy chest??? Not so bad. A woman with a hairy chest...well...instead of a college fund I'll make sure the little gets a laser fund.

Concerns over going to Japan

I know that this blog is suppose to be about how Japanese men aren't horrible and blah blah blah...but there is one factor that is extremely concerning to me (besides the fact that my degree is utterly useless there and job hunting will be a challenge). Japan's sex industry. Now...we're going to get a bit personal here...I'm a survivor (well..I don't know exactly what I am) of child to adult sexual and physical abuse. I basically had about 14 years of it non-stop...from step parents to partners...in an extremely sadistic manner. So this lead me to...oh I want to a lawyer!...phase...which resulted in studying, befriending, and understanding hookers and strippers in the USA. I have to say a lot of them are my closest friends because we all went through the same ordeal. Anyhow...long story short, I think every part of the sex industry except professionally made porn should be illegal because it is EXTREMELY abusive to women. For those of you who would like to read up more on the subject there are several research papers out there complete with interviews on how much the women HATE HATE HATE the men that go to such places and use such services, how most of them are basically inslaved to it...yada yada yada.

I'll post a link at the end of this post....though I'm sure most men react the same way Akira did. When Akira asked me about my little stint in the industry (not performing or anything...I was just studying and debating if it was worth it...which it's not) I started to tell him how every single woman I met has an abusive background, how the customers (say in a lap dance) still abuse women (saying things, touching, stalking, harrassing, ect) how the women hated the customers, how they were constantly beaten up by pimps, club managers, ect... how most of them were drug addicts along with suffers of a number of STDs, how most sank further and further due to the contuining abuse (that through mental illness they chose do...because abusive women hit a cycle where they only feel powerful through sexuallity or they think it's the only thing they are good for since many of them have suicidal self esteem views and a good deal end up killing themselves) and I went on and on...

Well Akira got mad and was like, Stop it! You are ruining my fantasy!

I'm sure when the South had slaves and thought it was for the better they were equally upset at the "fantasy" being ruined by good common and sense and human rights.

With that said...Japan's second largest income (first being cars) is their sex industry...and I for one am terrorified at Akira falling into habit of these things again. Before I met him, he was sexless for a good few years and relied on the industry...then came to the States where thankfully he did not employ hookers but did fancy a few nights at the local and not so local strip clubs and hostess bars (here in San Diego there is an insane amount of Japanese people here...so naturally massage palors, hostess clubs, ect made their nasty ways out here).

And good lord the fights we had the first few months. The fights we have still if it's even barely brought up. I must say, the only time I truly want to beat the shit out of a man is when he uses such demeaning means of release. I would perfer him to go to dating sites or something..something to where he was desired as a person and not as this perv using his wallet for his kicks.

So...that changed dramatically since we've been together, one because I'm constantly keeping him in our bedroom (and I don't want to toot my own horn but I do enjoy what I do very much so) and two because I forced him to see for himself the horrors of the sex industry and the effect is has on a person. I went through an entire ordeal trying to make him see that he was seeing women solely as sex toys and not as real people...ect ect ect.

So with all this progress and my lack of hope in Japanese men considering it seems to be the norm for them to have that or mistresses....I'm terrorified of what will happen in Japan since I know he misses being with a Japanese woman (I truly hope it's not for the fake child like screaming).

So that's one of my concerns. And I'm extremely disappointed that people seem so passe about these things...it just shows more and more that it's a man's world. I would love the chance to degrade a few of these guys to the scum they really are...but...alas....I'm just a girl.

Here's a link to a three page research paper on strippers...I'm sure if you were able to read this blog then this is a piece of cake. http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/stripc1.htm