I'm much better today....   I think I just need more time here....


More about that later.

akira's sister is a god send <3

We got our rings.

I'm much better today....   I think I just need more time here....


More about that later.

akira's sister is a god send <3

We got our rings.

No thank you

Well I'm in Japan, staying at his family's home, all went well but I really really don't like it here.  Hats off to those of you who left the states to live here cause just the lack of space and the constant stares were enough to make me cry the moment I saw his dad.  I mean I was sobbing.

Akira is okay...but a bit more dominat...sometimes bratty but not with me really....

I'll write more later, but other then his family, I really don't enjoy it here.  His home is the only place I feel safe....at least from the constant stares and absolute fear everyone else has towards me.  Akira told me that the men just don't know what to think but it's the women who look at me the worst some of them just stare right at me like right into my eyes and not look away even.  It's made me so nervous...again I don't think I've cried this much in a very very long time.  Five more days...

Lolita can kiss my ass

So I'm two days away from being in Japan and I'm planning out my outfits....and well...

I'm American right...and half Persian...and it's all about looking sexy being American...and looking modestly sexy because I'm Persian...sooo...I would say that my taste is pretty much the same as...well...Angelia Jolie...though I'm not anywhere as close as beautiful as her...but I love her taste, it's a little dark, very classic, very sexy, but not too sexy...but in no shape or way can you call that style cute. 

So anyhow, I'm packing and Akira's well..lecture on cuteness...sinks in...and well...I can't dress cute.  I can't.  I love to look sexy and to look classy...and as vain as this sounds...I like to look poshe and stuck up even though I'm shy and friendly...looking that way makes me feel a bit empowered...

You men won't understand that, but you girls get it, when you look a certain way outside, it helps boost up something inside you to reflect your look. 

Anyhow... I saw this picture and it instantly reminded me that not only can I dress however I want...but that I won't be considered sexy at all because I'm not cute.

Or in high school....*rolls eyes*

 

I also cannot pull off that fake innocent shit either.  Lucky for me, I'll be pretty naive over there, so I'm sure that will seem innocent when I'm just actually a moron.

Getting gifts, getting prettied up, and then get going!!!!

Okay...well...now the real count down begins!  It's almost Saturday...so...five more days until I land in Japan!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit.

Worried Sick

Well...I'm on antibiotics and doing a bit better.  I'm at work today...which saves me from boredom.  I'm still in a great deal of discomfort...but I can't stay at home and sit there...being a worry wart.

Akira came with me to the emergency care, got off on time from work actually...worried as he could be.  We then went to Tokyo Table and he pulled out a few magazines on Japan and started showing me his plans for our little road trip. 

All of it was very endearing and very sweet, he was just extremely worried and was trying his best to calm me down.  We had a much needed make out session at dinner...I would have perferred sex, but since I'm sick...I'm out of order unitl Sunday, and Akira is so worried about me I doubt he'll do anything more then feather like touches just so he won't bruise me, looool. 

He was so mad that I worried myself sick.  But I always do that, anything major, I get so worried that I can't sleep or eat and well...I just get super sick.  It's because I'm so bored on weekends now because he works 14 days before he has a weekday off...so my weekends end up with me and a bottle of wine, either cleaning, seeing the girls, hanging out with mom, or reading....but lately...it's just been me, wine, some cigs, and the dread of failure in the Japan trip.  I'm not worried about anything except what his family will think of me...I think my past experinces with meeting my other half's families has scarred me.

I've never been really liked...especially by the mothers...so I've been dreading it...  I am dreading it.  But I can't think about it anymore, I have to get better so moving forward.

I am just going to focus on the small details...like packing and gifts...and think about it all later.  Much later....perferably after it's all over with.

Stress test

Well....we all knew it was coming, I finally had a nervous breakdown....I have a uti infection on top of the flu and sun poisoning.   Our family doctor who knows we are a paranoid lot, told me that I'll be better by the trip, but to calm down.

So Akir last night held me and tried to comfort me, but I can't stop zooming.   I mean....my mom is getting a divorce and is still a housewife in need of major health insurance because she's battling two different kinds of cancer, the business is changing from a repair shop to out sourced IT (my idea) which is great but has increased my work week by a good more ten hours....my uncle who is dying is being pulsed by the state to be unplugged and since my father is head if the family and since I'm the best English speaker...well...I'm a lot more involved then I would like to be, I am for unplugging my uncle has even asked me to do it...but the legal obligation is on my third world grandparents...so....

Then there's the trip to Japan, the move, oh and we have a peeping Tom that our neighbor called the police on so now I have a stalker, akira's weird hours at work leave me alone almost entirely, we are about to get married....I'm meeting everyone who basically no Japanese because work has been nuts and my brother quit and then came back so...I was running the entire thing for a while.  Then I find out yesterday that two of my main techs team leaders are quitting NEXT WEEK while I'm gone!

So....I'm sorry...but I think my break down is justified except now I'm in bed trying to battled with my mom to let me go to work....

I'll be so happy when the next four weeks are over!!!!!!

I'm sure my uncle means well

He sent this email to my mother....*sigh*  remember how I told you my mother's side is ridicuously rich and what not...I mean, my great great great aunt wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin...yep, that's right, I'm in the same lineage as Harriet Beecher Stowe. 

Anyhow.... during my cousin's wedding we dined with the Bushes and got a personal tour of the White House and crap...and well...my cheapy elopement...my blue collar ways...seem to be a bit insulting because he wrote my mother this...it was nice...but still...it feels like he's looking down on me...He is certainly insulted by Akira's mother's reaction to me...lol....

Patti:

Thanks for the great update. One of my two favorite movies of the year (the other is Obama's America - 2016) is "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." In that movie, the hotel operator says, "Everything will work out in the end, and if it hasn't worked out, it is not the end." Sounds to me like the end is near and that everything is working out for you all. I am delighted to hear how things have worked out for Tiffany. I am sure that she is happy and excited, and we are for her as well. You have spoken very highly of Akira many times and I can tell that you feel everything is going in the right direction. As you mention, their earlier plans sounded difficult to manage and survive. This approach, on the other hand, is bound to work out very well in the end. Again, we are extremely happy for them and for you. As I read your note, I was thinking about Akira's mother and hopefully she knows that you are Japanese by birth, which should provide a small amount of satisfaction, and Karen said that she will get the pictures together this week that she has been meaning to do for some time of Kimberly when she was the Cherry Blossom Queen. That distinction is very important to the Japanese people, and in Kimberly's case, not only was she the queen, but she was the first queen in history to be invited back to Japan for second visit, which she did. Akira's mother needs to know that she was a guest of the Emperor and that she was honored in several major Japanese cities and that Japanese Ambassador to the United States and the Japanese Speaker of the House, both insisted that Kimberly be present at State visits by the Japanese Government when she was the reigning queen. She was the only queen to ever receive that honor. Anyway, the fact that you were born on Japanese soil and that Tiffany's cousin was so highly honored should give her some comfort.

Now that the wedding is eminent, please let us know what Tiffany and Akira would like as a wedding gift. Sherry's daughter, Jaymie, was married last year and her big thing was a heavy duty KitchenAid mixer along with a few other things. Tiffany may not be thinking of something so practical, and may not be a kitchen-minded, but whatever they would like, we would like to send.

....

Anyhow, the email goes on and on and on...and I know he means well...but I really don't think Akira's family could give a flying flip because I'm not my cousin, I'm the broke girl who is coming to visit...

My mom's family now does military arms contracting...my grandfather started the company that now Dick Cheney is now head of and my uncle branched out to Burdeshaw Assoc. 

so...

It helps me in no way other than it makes me look like the loser of my family....to Akira's family...

*sigh*

:-/

Butterflies and tummys

Holy shit... In ten days... I'll be in Japan and in 17 days I'll be married!!!

That is if all goes well.....Akira's dad said he can't wait to meet the future of their family.... Nervous....

At work...bumped...

 

Why isn't it good enough?

That's the thing I tell myself all the time, why am I just not good enough?

I can't think...I feel totally useless...I wish I could have just stayed at home and just slept this feeling away.

I don't want to talk about it right now...but Akira just keeps showing me the same red flag over and over and I'm super worried.  I'm worried I'm not enough for him...

I dunno.

I feel like blah...

How the hell am I going to survive in a country that is completely perverted?  Or survive with a man brough up with it...

There a reasons the Irish go nuts from whiskey...

Lord have mercy I'm so hung over that I just can't even function.... Last night mama and I went out...nothing big, just cheesy bar hops at a casino...and man...we got wasted...we called up hesayo and chinami singing thank yous for helping my mother hook akira and I up... Then a few shots and then my mother dropped me off because I started crying worrying I wasn't good enough for akira so poor akira...

I was a mess.

I feel a mess still.

No more....

Such a sloppy mess.

When a white girl has yellow fever

So Akira has a number of white girls who he taught in university exchange program in Sapporo who are just obsessed with him.  Let me tell y'all something nothing annoys me more then people with yellow fever, or jungle fever, or a sexual fetish due to someone's ethincity.  I think it's insulting for the person being hunted, and moronic for the person hunting.  I have zero respect for these kinds of people because they mainly focus on a persons outside and make up this whole fantasy in their heads while not even paying attention to who the person truly is.  It's mean and very unfair and not in any way healthy.  Anytime I get emails asking for help on getting a Japanese man I told them I don't mind giving advice on finding a good guy but I will not try to set anyone up with a Japanese man because that's their preface.  There are almost 7 billion people in the world, it's very unfair and very unlikely that your match will be in an ethinic group to your choosing.   I never dreamed of ever being with Akira....and I always forget he's Japanese because as a person he just rocks my world.

Anyhow, akira has a stalker from Canada who he tutored and hung out with briefly, even kissed...like YEARS ago.   He hasn't talked to her in over a year inspire the fact that she messages him at least once a month.  She even came down here for a week trying to get him when he said no.   So anyhow she found out he got engaged with me and messages him and I just finally called her.  I told her that I've been living with him for over a year and we are going to Japan and marrying in two weeks and what was her deal with akira.  So she goes on to talk about him.....she didn't know anything about him!  Not a single detail all she did was go on about how nice he was for a Japanese guy and that must be due to him being partically raised in the states and I told her no that's not the case akira is full out Japanese, he just speaks perfect English and is good at conforming somewhat to American behaviors but in no shape or form is he anything like an American man.   Then I jumped all over her for stalking him, for being "in love" with someone she didn't have a clue about, and for basically hurting him and bothering him.  And I gave her her closure, I told her I was sorry our relationship was hurting her but that I think she only likes akira because he's Japanese and because he was her teacher and because she's obsessed with the Japanese so that she must have yellow fever.  Then I told her that the reason why akira and I work is because my father is from Asia and that it's creepy how similar husband and wife relationships are in iran and Japan because if I was American with akira we would have never made it.  He's with me because I'm a eastern woman who, just like him, knows how to behave and communicate in the western ways.

So yeah when I told akira all this he was like wow she and I never even dated and she's so obsessed and I told him I didn't blame her, but that it made me mad that she was mad at him due to nothing akira but just off the simple fact that she has no clue who akira is and never had any interest to know him and just saw him as the fixture just because he's Japanese.

So you people with ethinic fevers, please get over yourselves.  There's way too many different people in this world to be just hung up on one race, you should be hung up on a type of person that would be best matched for your personality instead so your partner will be your best friend, not just something that gets you off during a fuck.


With tht said, my boobs are growing!  I went up one cup size despite my diet.   Akira  told me he hopes I'm pregnant, but I know better, I think I'm just a late bloomer, but since I was 25 I've gone up two cup sizes, so now I'm finally a C!  I went and got new bras two days ago to lift my little ones up and last night when I served akira dinner and he stood up and looked at me and he was like shit you're gorgeous!  Are you leaning over the table on purpose?! And I wasn't I was just setting our litttle floor table and I didn't want to kneel so I have to lean....but.... Mission accomplished!

Got rid of a stalker, and figured out what to squeeze my growing lovelies in to where it doesn't make me look like a hooker.

I love akira!  He woke up this morning and he was like, how did I get so lucky to have younfornthe rest of my life... <3

Sappy sap posting, sorry guys.

Don't think! Just throw!

So we are leaving on the 26 because Akira's dad made a scheldule for us...for the entire family, day by day....and his wish is to have us by the 27 which means we have to fly out the 26.... 

I have to admit the chart was pretty damn cute in the dorkiest ways, and completely reminded me of Akira.  Akira is a major dork...and let me tell you something, nothing tugs at my heart like a dorky guy.  Let me tell you what sealed the deal the night I went out with Akira. 

Well...actually the first time we went out it was arranged by a coworker and my mother....but during then, he wiped out a very old, taped up flash card with a hand drawn map of Japan with little dots describing where he grew up, where he went to school, ect....  During this moment he was so serious, and I was so amused by the map and his seriousness, that that's what made me agree to go on a date with him.

Then during the date....he folded an elephant out of the tip, and as he was doing it, again, very serious, he was like, this is what my people do....we fold paper....which is handy when you're not sure how much to tip.  and then he handed me a little paper elephant...and I thought, well...there goes my panties. 

It wasn't the fancy dinner, his conversation though did help, because he's just so amusing to me, I really can't explain why then other then the fact he's just a good guy and just a dork.  And we can be dorks together, that's the beauty of it.  Here we are, all dolled up, professional young people...and it's great that I can go home and fill up a bunch of water balloons and attack him if he misses dinner from over working and I know he won't even pause, he'll just grap balloons in his pile and it's on.

I worry a lot, and Akira knows that, but I have to say...as paranoid and scared as I am to go spend a week with his family in a country I know nothing about...I'm 100% wonderful with knowing that I'm going to marry my best friend soon.

The clock is Ticking

So in about three weeks....I'll be in Japan...and I'll be getting married!

And we are moving again...

And I feel brain dead from all the over load of it all.

So....if I'm silent until I'm there, I'm sorry but I promise I will try to make a decent up date soon.

Very very soon.

We are still tired as hell.

May be why we are brain dead.

................................................................  <  My current thoughts.