Japantown, USA

I was a little upset that I was failing so much at cheering Akira up yesterday that this morning I came across the interesting tid bit that he was currently working a city with the oldest Japantown outside of Japan (naturally...).  So I texted him the info on this as soon as I could and his response was cheery.

There are a TON of Japanese people in California, in 2000 there were almost 5 million alone that called California home...so I'm sure with the huge amount of Japanese companies head quatered here and how almost every city has a Japantown...that the number may be double that.  Of course California just has a ton of people from all over the world, but three races in particular...Mexican, Japanese, and interestingly enough, Persians.  Akira and I always wonder where the white people went.  And I'm not talking about those that are sprinkled here and there...we literally get giddy when we find a town (cause it sure ain't any of the cities) that mainly white dominated. 

Anyhow....as a result not only are there full out Japanese schools and full out Japanese universities, but like I said, a TON of Japantowns.  I'm hoping that this will help ease my shock...but so many of the Japanese people have been here so long that Akira calls them fake Japan.  San Diego and Orange County probably have the most fresh off the plane Japanese families...though they are all buried in companies (like Akira himself) or school (like Naseem) that it's hard to interact with them unless you're involved in whatever they are involved in...so...I guess I'm...lucky?  Cause I've never befriended a Japanese person who hadn't just came from Japan...so I've never really encountered the "fake" Japanese.  Akira has though...and find them extremely strange since they act both ways...but I told him that's unfair because he's the same way...he's just more Japanese while the second generation on down are more American.  Hell...I know I'm way more American then Iranian.  I hope other Persians don't look down on my like Akira does with these groups.  Look down on is hard wording...more like...he's disappointed that they aren't more Japanese...I guess.

Anyhow...I'm hoping the suggestion for him to go visit this Japantown won't back fire on me like the one in San Fransico did for New Years.  Otherwise...I'm just going to get him a membership at a laser tag arena or something so he can cope with handing his project over to the next manager because I'm pretty sure that's why he's sad. 

I loved San Fran though....clearly, looool.

Scratch that

It's so dead at work this week...I'm sure it's due to the holiday but still....

Last night I met one of Akira's friends, and I have to admit, up until now I've only met his pervy Japanese co-workers...so I was pretty surprised to find this guy to be not only a decent person, but a very good person as well.  He's one of his friends from Ohio and he came with his wife who was equally amazing.  They are both artists turned graphics designers turned teachers, and they are our age as well. 

Anyhow, it was nice to hear his friend talk about Akira's mom and sisters...he made them sound just like how Akira is, and that relaxed me a lot.  His friend even went out to Japan and visited Akira for a few days when they were 14 (they have been friends since 1st grade but Akira moved back to Japan after sixth grade) where they had a marvelous (so it seemed) time in a ninja house (which his wife and I found extremely funny). 

Both of them are Star Wars dorks and bright and just dorky in a really loving way.  The guy's wife was like a cool suburbian hippie, which I adore those types, and well...it was really nice to hang out with them and see more of Akira's life besides work. 

In other news, looks like our move is going to be delayed or not happen at all since Akira got assigned a new project in a different city for a few months....so just when I think he's coming home...

He'll be home for about six weeks, then he'll be two hours north from our apartment, which actually puts him only 30min east of where I work...so what he's going to do is ask if he can get placed in an extended stay hotel and then that way I could stay with him.  I've been worried about his eating habits because his mom and sisters think he's getting fat.

He's not fat at all, he's extremely buffed up right now, but I agree that since he's been on the road he hasn't been eating very healthy, so I'd like to be around him for dinners again,  and I also would like to keep an eye to make sure he's quit smoking.  He has seven days left, actually, WE have seven days left to light up whenever we want, however I've almost completely quit and now anytime I'm around it or smoke I cough and sneeze up a storm.  A reaction that I cherish because if it weren't for that I could see myself easily slipping back into habit. 

Akira seems a bit depressed about it all, but I've been trying to keep my bounciness up so that he won't get too sad.  I'm sad too...but there isn't anything we can really do about it.  I'm just going to have to try to make this summer really fun for him.  I'm thinking theme parks and a lot of camping. I think he's just starting to feel like everyone is pulling him in every direction, and Akira just doesn't like that.  You give him a list and a time frame, the man has got it, he'll do it faster then you predicted and oddly better too...but if you throw everything at him at once, he gets stressed out.  I think anyone would... 

Anyhow, I really hope everything goes well.  I really love him so much <3 <3 <3

Last stint...at least for a month or so...

Akira has been traveling for work since Feb. and now...finally, next Wednesday will be his last little trip (he's been setting up a new production line for the food company he works for, which has so far been successful...pretty proud of my young hot shot!) and as a cause for celebration, I caved in and told him okay on getting a cat...so long as we move to a bigger place (we live in a really nice studio right now..I'm going to miss it) but we are planning on moving to a one bedroom in the same complex...that way the cat will have a patio.  I have to say, we are both excited and not so excited about this move.  We've been living together for almost a year, in a place where there was no escape from each other.  We became a team in our studio...I'm not gonna lie...while as exciting it is to get a new home together...I'm really going to miss our home that we are in now. 

But...Akira is right, we are moving forward..and the cat is something we can bring with us to Japan...I'm hoping that some way that little ball of fur will help me cope with the shock I'm about to endure. 

Anyhow, Akira is going to be home now!!!!  Back to regular cooking and cleaning, and mornings running around each other.  I'm really looking forward to it!  I have to admit, it's been nice being alone, I've never lived alone and these past few months made me realize (so long as Akira calls daily) I'm pretty secure in our relationship and pretty happy.

Akira's mom is coming around.  She requested that my Japanese be decent at a verbal level as she is studying up on her English to talk to me.  I told Akira to tell her that learning english isn't needed, that I would be more then happy to speak in Japanese with her, even in broken Japanese.  But I admit, if I were her, I'd learn English too...not to speak to me...but to understand what I'm saying to Akira.  So not that I'm an awful person or anything, but I will have to make sure I don't cuss. 

Chinami told me that what we are doing to Akira's mother is going to make his mother hate me for the rest of her life.  I'd really like to avoid that, but with the time the paperwork takes...I don't see how we can endure a proper engagment...by lack of time we have to marry quickly.  By lack of time as well, we can't run over to Japan for the weekend...we both are working all the time.  Akira and I have no desire to spend any time seperated.  And if that means that the first year is spent with his mother not liking me...then saddly that's what I'll have to go through.  She can't be a horrible person or unreasonable because Akira is so extremely humble and grounded.  I'm going to get her a gift with an apology writen and send it off when Akira sends his package this month to his family.  I feel really bad...I really really really do...and for her to start accepting this must mean she has a good bit of trust in Akira...still...I know she's not liking what is going on...

Good times to come :-/

I honestly don't know what I can do from so far away to ease her worries...

I'm starting a wedding scrap book to bring with me in October so that she can help me plan our wedding...  I'm hoping that will make her happy...instead of angry...I really don't know what to do.

Learn Japanese which is what I'm doing, even all my music and tv has changed to Japanese.  I'm trying to absorb and retain as much as I can...but it's a very hard...it's nothing like arabic or french or english....I know I'm going to sound so stupid (or baka...oooooh bet I sounded stupid right then!)  but I'm going to try my best!

I'm a pretty happy little engaged girl right now.  Akira, as always, can smooth any wrinkle of fear I have and pump me up for our up coming life. 

Niigata!  I'm getting ready for you!  ^_^

Southlands

I miss Alabama so much I could just cry. It's been seven years since I've left. I'm having an awful day.

Hitting One Year

So Akira and I will be at one year of offically dating this coming Saturday.  It blows my mind to just think we've moved this fast...but I also find it very comforting.

Yesterday he came by my office to wish my little brother a happy birthday, to talk about the move and marriage with my father, and in the process something sweet happened...

My little sister, who is 8, loves the fact that Akira and I are together.  She draws pictures of Akira asking me what kind of ring I want, she talks to Akira on the phone all the time, she pulls me aside to tell me not to yell at him, to instead let her handle something if I'm mad, and then she'll pull Akira aside and tell him what gift to give me...

It's pretty damn adorable.

So yesterday she was at the office because of my brother's birthday and Akira walked up to her, and was like, guess what Krystal?!  I'm going to be your brother soon!  And the smile on her face...the next thing I knew, she ran over and hugged him...which resulted in this picture....

And you know...seeing that...it eases the fear I have on our future...I'm still scared out of my mind...but there's something about his heart that is golden.  Makes me know, it's all going to be okay.

New Degree in progress

So...I really don't know what I'm doing..but I highly doubt a degree in Criminal Justice is going to do crap for me in Japan....so I have enrolled in Japanese classes to get offically certified (because I was taking classes in Japanese studies just for the hell of it...but now I need to get my ass in gear)...and then I also took the left over credits from when I attempted to double major and now applied to an international business degree...which I'm 15 classes short of completeing.  Maybe less...I'm waiting for my advisor to call me back.

Now I'm working on my resume and then I'm hoping Naseem can translate it for me and tweek it so I can start applying for work. 

We decided that most likely we are going to rent a house...so that's a relief because I was scared we would end up in an extremely small shoe box with a cat to boot. 

Other than that...I really haven't done any wedding planning because I'm so extremely paranoid over our move that now I really could care less about a wedding until I have more stuff completed.

I'm not very excited about being back in school...since I'm at least 5 years older then everyone and I'm slightly pissed that it's not law school...but...I am marrying the man of my dreams so...I can't go to law school in Japan anyway.  I need a decent job that won't make me want to shoot myself.  Or jump into a train since there are no guns over there...

It's so loud here at work right now that I can't think and I'm seriously thinking of screaming at the poeple that brought their kids because I have shit to do and I can't even think!  I had to bring my laptop to Subway to take a call that I needed to remotely log into...because some kid keeps screaming near my desk.

Now...off to a client!

Because I'm American

Akira's parents have rejected the notion of us getting married.  That's really too bad because it'll happen anyway.

His parents and old sister went with excuses like, Americans have high divorce rates, Americans do not value family, Americans are this and that...

And you know the entire time Akira was translating....I was amused because it was the first time in my life someone was racist towards me for being American.  I am CONSTANTLY battling racism for Dad being Iranian.  I get called Sand Nigger, Terrorist, Anti-American even...sooooo...I was like, looool, wtf???? 

I'm still surprised.  So Akira started going into detail on how I'm not completely American, that I'm both Iranian and American (which is true), and his parents were like, well I don't know what you mean by that, but she will leave you and you are not thinking seriously about your life and blah blah blah.

Well...Anyhow, his older sister then starts going on about how she had to wait so and so long to get married, and how she's the only one living with the mother and how she's getting married right now that what he's doing isn't fair (even though the damn wedding is a year from now, that we are marrying right now just to get the paperwork going so I can plan the dream wedding in peace).  So I basically can already tell that I'm going to have quite the trip in October, grant it if I'm still invited. 

It's fine, if they keep at it, I'll tell them about the baby.

That shit was recent, and I'll be damned if I'll tolerate being accused of having no family values.

Ah, racism....

The announcement

Well Akira decided that this week would be the week to announce that we would be skipping tradition and marrying as soon as possible so he could bring me back with him to Japan . During the entire process though I felt like he was too cocky and belittled me a lot which was weird because shouldn't announcing marriage be about boosting ur partner instead? Shouldn't you be like, oh I'm with her because she is wonderful and I love her instead of poking jokes at me all the time and making me feel like poop. Yes it is kind he asked permission to marry me and yes it takes a lot of guts to tell parents who haven't even met me... But his jokes are always at my expense.

Anyhow, i felt very over shadowed today, like he was running the show and I had to go along with it down to the point that he ordered my meal and chose not my side dishes because they were standard but he choose my meat actually without even asking. Then I had been suggesting that we should get married when his old host parents were in town because they r like family to him. The parents r coming in June anyway for a visit so I was like sure why not? But he kept rejecting it until finally his host mom suggested it and then when he told me it was like he had never heard the suggestion before. It was too much today. Too much lately he's gotten very controlling not over me but just on whatever he wants to do.

Again I realize he is naive that he doesn't even realize these things make me want to slap him sometimes, so.... I have to bring it up... Gently. A little bit bit of an ego is okay, and I know he feels very secure and very excited. He feels like he's winning which is sweet. But sweet guy got flipped for work Akira and i can't stand the ego trip that persona has so I'm afraid a decent fight is going to come. Most likely over something stupid, like ordering my meat. I just wanted to give the back ground on it before I seem like I'm a screw or two loose. I'm not going to tolerate a husband who is bossy. But I do love the man. Just times like this when I have to turn into a slightly monstrous version of myself is never enjoyable and I always hate making him feel bad. Or this could be the result of all the stress the announcement has caused. Which is why I didn't unleashed hell on him today. I know he uses humor when he feels nervous, I'm just not a fan of his humor since it entails lowering me. But I know what to tell him, since he was bullied in school I'll tell him that it feels like he's bulling me. That is a quick way to put back the consideration which he's usually flawless at.

And then the cookie told me...

The light side

Now that I'm over the shock...I think...if well planned...this move will be very good and will make me feel more complete.  So...one year left...so much to do!

A date has been set

I naively had hoped our first few years of marriage would be in the states, a close distance to my mother. I had naively hoped for a lot of things but by chance of god or chaos Akira informed me that he would not be renewing his visa that a year from he'd like to go home and keep his mother company. To be very honest neither sound ideal but I have a year.... A year to ensure that this is truly what I want. you know what is ironic? I had willingly desired to live in Saudi Arabia but the thought if Japan not only sounds uncomfortable but I have this dread in my stomach. I can say I honestly have never desired that area nor ever paid it any attention until this past year. Instead I always thought I'd marry a Kaleejee man of some kind of rank and glide easily into the life of a Mideast wife... Eating dates praying in poems five times daily and stay safe in a veil. Now... Now it seems fate is mocking me because as Akira was telling me on the phone of our new location my god damn future cookie from pick up stix said, traveling to the east will give you great rewards. I actually accused Akira of planting it since he negotiates with so many food companies. But no... Soooo, inshallah I'll have more confirmation to this decision then a damn cookie.

Takes time to realize Things

It took me a while, mainly because Akira has flawless English, for me to realize the quorkiness he had wasn't quorkiness, it was him being Japanese.  One of these were his hmms, and uhhhss, and the tilting head movements. 

Naseem's...noises...are more defined, overly done and overly pitched, though I never mind it because in my eyes that woman can do no wrong, I adore her.  But with Akira, I truly thought he was considering what I was saying...instead of trying to avoid disagreeing with me, LOL.  For a long time, I thought we were clones, because he hardly ever disagreed with me.  It wasn't until I started reading blogs and started paying attention to my Japanese friends. I started to notice that they all avoided disagreeing with me by these noises.  And it's amazing because here I was, close friends with Naseem and a few other girls, and I never ever noticed that they were being polite.  I actually to this day feel gulity about it because I never took the time to pay attention to their culture.  I actually considered Naseem to be Persian, I never really saw her as Japanese because...well...she didn't look Japanese.  And see, even saying something like that is awful. 

But when I started dating Akira, so many things he did would remind me of Naseem.  In fact, being around him would make me miss her because I was use to seeing her daily, and now I was seeing Akira daily.  Then when we would all hang out together, I finally saw it.  They tip toed around me...in fact Naseem got extremely nervous around me and kept eyeing me.  I felt bad, but I was actually jealous.  It was the first time I ever had that kind of experince, and it was because I was around a culture I completely didn't understand but my other half did.  It was un-nerving...to the point that I never brought Naseem around Akira again.

I guess because I loved them both so much...I didn't want to be left out...but I know they would never do that to me, but it felt like it.  And it was again, the first time I realized I wasn't one of them.  So that experince has made me extremely nervous about meeting the family in Japan.  I didn't know a thing about the Japanese other then hear-say.  So I started reading books, I started trying to learn Japanese, and I've started reading blogs...and now I'm blogging...I guess to record my progress on it all. 

I do have to say...in most cases...the avoiding conflict ordeal is very useful.  Akira and I a few weeks ago had a terrible fight, to where I didn't sleep or eat for three days and I was basically a nervous wreak.  He left his work and actually came to mine with a gift once he realized what kind of shape I was in...we recently lost our child, I wasn't that far along...a few weeks, and he was away on business and has been almost every week and comes home during the weekends, but it's been very hard to deal with it all alone because no one knows.  So when he was flirting with a few girls on facebook...well...I unleashed hell on him.  I know he was doing it to seem funny, the only issue was that one girl was middle eastern, and the other American, and I know they saw it as a socially ackward moment, and I know the middle eastern girl thought it meant Akira had no respect for me.  We middle easterners don't flirt to joke around.  Hell...we're told not to smile to the opposite sex, much less joke.  So I was a mess.  I was embarrassed, I was depressed, and I was angry at being alone and ignored.

Anyhow, we went away for the weekend, and we made a pack...that this part of our relationship, we would avoid conflict.  Once again, adding another egg shell to tip toe around.  I'm not sure if it's healthy, but I have to be honest...the no fighting thing...it's helping me recover.  Here we're trained to talk about things over and over, but sometimes that's like picking a scab and in the end all it does is leave a scar.  What we are doing is kind of like, putting a bandaid on it.  Out of sight until it's healed and we can remove it.  It's not being avoided...it's being left for time to heal it.

In that aspect...I think Akira being Japanese is a good thing, because I don't know what I would have done had this happened with someone else.  His little quorks...turned out to be little ways to make our life happier.

There are things he does that annoy the shit out of me...he'll avoid too many things, or he'll pretend he didn't hear me or he'll be over dramatic before he tells me he did something I won't like...he'll bury his head in a pillow or something...sometimes I get mad, but usually I just wait it out, and play with his hair until he feels secure enough to tell me.  And these things, while they annoy me because it takes up time to get to the point, in the end...everything usually turns out okay.

I'm not saying I want to be Japanese, I actually have no desire for that, or to look Japanese or any of that, I'm pretty happy being Persian...but there are so many things that they do that I resist at first, I guess by default...but in the end...it turns out for the better.  The result is the same...but how they react to the result is different.  It makes me think of a bumper sticker I saw when I was 21, Life is 1% of what happens to you and 99% of how you react to it.

Walking on Egg Shells

There are a few issues that if Akira and I discuss...it will lead to a massive fight.  One of these have been an issue with us since the very get go. 

Workmates and strippers...and calling it a "meeting". 

Now I had no clue what people meant when they told me that the Japanese were perverted.  Mainly because I had only known Japanese women, and never paid any attention to the men...because...well...I just never found them interesting to be honest.  I really didn't get the entire Asian dating scene.  Where couples never really hung out together, PDA was a no no, and the constant peace sign (victory sign...whatever) being thrown up...I really wondered what their sex was like since the boys seemed immature in my eyes and really selfish and the women were just timided and actually, pretty passionate but never acted like that around men (omg...).  Anyhow...when I started dating Akira, everyone, including my Japanese girl friends...kept warning me about watching his wallet because they didn't consider paying for women as cheating.

Well you better believe I went off on that.  And it turned out that Akira was quite use to using the sex industary...so I quickly made the playing feild even.  Men are jealous, and God forbid if you hurt a man's feelings...it seems like the world is over for them, that some massive betrayial was done by the minor offense the woman did.  Akira didn't understand why I thought it was cheating.  So we went to a strip club (since I almost started stripping myself) and quickly I started showing him the real deal.  How the women hated their clients, the different kinds of abusive treatments, the drug use, ect.  Then I started to make it even.  I started to show him how men that fequented these events saw women as nothing (and I used myself as an example and showed him how men reacted with me)...and then I told him if he had strippers, that I would do the same and go to a male one and put the pictures everywhere.  I told him the truth, I will always make things even.  I'm not into the entire, roll over and let the man do whatever cause he's a man.  Fuck that shit. 

You're a person, I'm a person, we both deserve respect.  End of story.  The sex industry has no place in my life and if you're going to be in my life, it better not be in yours either, otherwise get the fuck out of my life.  Period.  See?  Even now I'm getting pissed.  I guess cause I've been around the industry for the past 6 years, and when I mean around I mean I was literally in it.  Russian dating sites full of Russian women all plotting to marry, get the green card, and rob the man they are with blind, meanwhile cheating on them all along the way.  The parties alone, the cheapest ticket I saw (and the parties were very classy parties no sex involved because it was a match making site) was for $3,000.  The cheapest. 

Then there was the few year stint where I was with Saudi royality, and the shit I saw.  From ordering women off of menus to realizing I was part of harem and that the girls dancing around me were paid by the club to dance around me so no other men would dance around me...well...

I hate the sex industry.  To the core.  The only thing I find acceptable is professional porn where both parties are paid actors and paid fairly, treated fairly.  Other than that, the rest is trash.

So when Akira told me that his now boss and him would go to Mexico for hookers (even though his boss is married), or how he would go to strip clubs, how all the new Japanese coming to America would want to see the strip clubs, or how the other men didn't think it was cool for him to contact me after not hearing from him all day...well...I ripped them apart.  I do mean them.  I really don't give a shit who you are at work, I actually hold zero value to a person on what their job is.  The value comes from how that person lives their life and how they treat others.  If you're married and fucking around, I don't care if you're a God damn billionaire because I have been with a God Damn billionaire.  You're nothing to me but a dog.  When I found out the prince was cheating on me, I threw a packed suitcase to his sleeping head.  No gift will ever ever ever cool me off towards him, and God knows from 21-25 he tried.  It's been nice to actually have a year where I have heard nothing from him.  Anyhow...Akira knows that if I ever caught him at a strip club, hostess bar, anything...I would truly destroy everything.

You break up with me if you're going to do that shit, is what I told him, and I mean it.  It takes two seconds to break up and do whatever the fuck you want.  If you WANT to fuck me, than you can't do whatever else you want.  Cause I'm not some girl on the side of the street, I'm from good breeding and it's wrong.  All the way around wrong to go to those places, especially if you're in a relationship.  If you want to be desperate...then do it alone.

Anyhow...anytime anything even remotely related to that is brought up...we walk carefully around it to make sure we don't accidentlly start a massive fight.  It's something I give the Japanese credit for, they are masters at avoiding conflict and Akira does it pretty.  Sometimes not well enough, in which case he distants himself, avoids me, avoids everything basically. 

That's another thing I'll write about, how we decided to define what lying was, that just because he didn't say it, doesn't mean it wasn't a lie.  That goes into his female friends file.  But that's for another time. 

I would just like to note...that when you're dating Japanese...that these things are massively different then what we as Westerners are use to (and wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy different from what middle easterners do).  But there are advantages to walking on egg shells.  People aren't always going to agree on everything, and sometimes avoiding topics are needed.  Now if he were still using these places, it would not be acceptable to avoid the topic, but since it is now in the past...there is no use in crying over spilt milk.  Live, learn, and move on. 

Move in

When Akira and I first got together, he was extremely distant.  It was weird because there was never an offical "move in" together moment.  It happened that way because he would invite me over, and since I had a key, I would go over and he would end up one hour late...two...three...trust me, our first few fights were over him telling me when he'd come home.

So I started cleaning up the place...because what else was I going to do?  I had no clue when he was coming home, and every 15min or so I'd get a text message so I just stuck around.  Eventually, after about two months or so...we both noticed we were living together. 

It was kind of a shock, we were coming back from our first road trip together, and as we were unpacking...we realized, holy shit...we live together.

I asked him if he was okay with that, and he said yeah that it was great, that he loved coming home to me.  So...that was that...I guess we started living together by the end of June...though we didn't realize it til the end of July.

But despite us living together, Akira was very distant.  I remember our first camping trip, prior to our first road trip, that he told me he loved me would that this is as far as he would emotionally go.  And I remember being pissed off and having four jello shots after that (we ended up at some random biker bar that had a coffin of jello shots...at 11am)  But...my my how things change.

The pics are from last weekend.  I'd say...we're extremely blessed and believe me, we're extrememly thankful for each other.

I'm on Akira's computer and it's confusing as hell because it's all in Japanese.

Anyhow, we went on an amazing little road trip this weekend, but when I looked at the pictures I felt horribly fat.  Now I know I said that I never want to try to be Asian skinny...I'm middle eastern, we just aren't built like that.  My body is very much like Shakira...with a huge ass, small top, and curly hair that isn't that hard to do anything with actually since I roll it everyday...can't complain about that...

But I'm chubby.  And it's annoying when I see shit like this....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0kD138mk2g&feature=related

But then I compare it to this....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0kD138mk2g&feature=related

And realize...I will never be under 100 pounds within serious illness...  So it's okay...I'll drop ten and feel better.