tired...

Well Akira is not going to be home for a while, he's working from 5am to 1am... and I rarely hear from him.

Leaves me almost single again...without the fun of being single.

I hate times like this.  I can deal with the 14-17 hour work days but once it's like this and I don't see him at all, not even in bed...it makes me pissed off.  No days off...nothing.

I'm so tired too...I can't sleep well when he's gone and it's around 1:30am when I finally hear from him, and I stay on the phone til he goes to bed, take another 45 min to go back to sleep then I hear from him at 6am or so...and by then...I need to get up, and drive my 89 miles to work for pennies and drive back, along with dropping off clothes or doing landry for Akira who is 30 miles north of where I work, so it's another 30 minutes added to the drive...feed the pets...clean...try to play with the pets...pass out for two hours and start again.

Clearly, I hate life right now.

Prepare yourself for a lot of alone time and weird hours

Akira is staying by the store for a few days. I went over there after work around 8pm to drop off some clean clothes and stuff he needed and I got a quick peck and a distant guy for about ten minutes before he rushed back in while I loaded his clothes in his car. I know I'll be lucky to see him just a few hours a week now. That's the Japanese for you. Live to work not work to live. Really hard to deal with. He's always sorry about it... But he shouldn't feel sorry for me... He missed the rainbow today. :-( I worry about him but what can I say... His cheating boss wiggled his way back into Akira's loyalty. They r in Korea town where hostess bars and massage paroles are in every shopping center... Good news I got offered to shoot a commercial for forever21. 27 and still getting model offers... Though I really didn't care I instead sold the idea to set up and network their new warehouse. I wont dare go alone. Models... Same as hostesses and hookers if you want my professional opinion on it. Thought they offered me about $7000 for the job or jobs... But the guy seemed too shady for me to accept. I told him I would audition that I think I'm ages out for modeling again... Akira seemed to think it wasn't something to brag about but besides on here and one of my girl friends no one else knows... I dunno... I could save it for the big move... I'm so down. Blah. Maybe I'm close to my period. More later.

I will give a real update whenever work calms down, but let me say this...

I will be Mrs. Akria next month ;-) we are moving next month back to Orange County!!!!....actually I will miss San Diego...but...more on that later...

Because we will be married our living expense will be more because the company is going to pay more <3!

Akira's new project is wonderful and I couldn't be more proud of him!!!!!!!!!!


The only thing is....it's back to 20 hour days and no weekends again...so I miss Akira so much.  He woke me up this morning just to spend some time with me and I just started crying and he did too...

I know it's only hard the first few weeks when you open a place and then it evens out...but I miss him... 

Okay I'm at work and I don't want to cry right now...but...I dunno...it's really hard to be away from each other...he'll be gone for seven days after tomorrow.... :-(  It's easier when I work...but with this long weekend coming up...it's going to be so hard...I'll miss him so much...

I am going to surprise him at his hotel room, I think I'm going to show up either as a maid or in just a coat with nothing under it.  Haven't decided yet... 

I'm going to be married to him soon!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!! 

I swear I don't know how I got lucky enough to end up with him, but man...sure we have fights...but over all...that man is my world <3.  Love him so much and I'm just so proud of his hard work.  It makes me work harder too!  <3 <3 <3 Akira <3 <3 <3

Here's a picture of Ramen!  He stole our chopsticks when we were about to eat some ramen, loooooooooool! 

I'm going to get the printed as a painting.  I swear we love our pets so much, Akira got us paw magnets for our cars that says "My kids have four paws".  Yeah...we're dorks. <3 Right next to our Dr. Pepper bumper stickers, I'm sure when people see us following each other when we drive know we're together.  I love him <3. 

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I spend hours and Frys Electronics and buy nothing????

Because I know I can contact our resellers in China for cheaper....

:-( I should sit in the sun during lunch instead everyone is tan except for me...including Akira.

Akira is pulling through, I'm way too hyper to update!  I have pictures of his new store, his new chain store!  It's fricking awesome!  The big wigs are flying in from Japan via now, and the soft opening is Saturday!!!!  I'm really excited!!!!  I have pictures but Akira told me to wait until they offically open before posting them, but I'm so excited!

It's weird that it's fast food steak, but I'm game!  Beer and steak?!  Country music?!  All that's missing is football....

I miss you Alabama! 

No more Red Bull today....

Waka is pregnant!!!  (she's Akira's boss's wife who I adore to no end) YAY!!!!  I'm assuming a baby doesn't need anything electronic so this requires a trip to the dreaded mall, which is okay because I need to pick up my ring anyway...  I should do that after steak and beer so I'll be too tipsy to want to smack every teenager in the face.

Though last time I did that I bought 9 dresses that I thought looked amazing in the mirror but the next day only three weren't regrets....  Beer goggles people!!!! It's real!  Even on yourself....which was weird because I thought my make up made me look like a crackwhore but anyway.......   I should shop sober...so... mall today :-( *le sigh*. 

NO MORE RED BULL!

I got stuck in the street, literally, trying to run to a meeting.  The street was freshing tarred so now my heels literally have little tar rocks on them, but it took an older gentleman to help pull me out.  That was fun.  I wasn't late for the meeting though! 

I can't wait to post on Tuesday!!!!  I really am shocked that Akira's company was able to pull this off...considering the other stores...this place is quite the hang out!  And baby is in charge and set it all up!!!!  This calls for cake and a cowgirl outfit!

Thanks for reading my nothing post!

Kind of like a driver who can't reach the pedals

Hey guys I'm so sorry I deleted a few comments on a few different posts because I have no idea what to do with my iPad when it freezes except tap the shit out of it.... I went to my email and found the comments but again I have no idea how to copy and paste with this damn thing and our desktop is currently only in Japanese and my laptop is at work... I didn't mean to offend anyone I'm so sorry I'm just an idiot with this over sized unless iPad.  I can't wait for windows 8.... One more month and touch screens will finally be useful.  

<3

I put this on all my work emails but I'm telling y'all this... Please advise.  Don't worry about offending or anything I truly need any input by anyone who has any idea of what I'm about to step into looool.   And thank you for ya'lls honesty <3.

Because I need work...

I'm not a workaholic...I do 50 hour weeks and my long commute makes it seem longer and maybe at times it can get up to 60...but it's really a lot in comparison to the Japanese.  Akira easily averages 72 hours a week. 

I just can't picture myself not working.  I can, in no shape or form, completely rely on a man.  I have been screwed over way too many times and have had to restart my life from NOTHING way too many times because I fell in love with an asshole and trusted him to take care of me.

Let me tell you something, you're the only one who can make your money yours, and you're the only one that can make you happy.  Your partner has two things....to help out providing a life (as in to not COST you anything, as in, you shouldn't be supporting someone unless there are situations where support is called in for, but by no means should either one fully support the other forever and ever) and second, to not piss you off.....note I didn't say to make you happy....just to not piss you off or hurt you.

That's it.

These two things I consider the abosolute lean meat of a relationship.  I'll even put honesty on the back burner because nothing is more important than a roof over your head and your head staying sane.

Right now...I'm extremely nervous.  I do not trust Akira enough to make the correct choices to ensure that we will have either of those two, much less both that is needed. 

I cannot sit at home all day long, not working, waiting for Akira to get home, getting fat and depressed.

That's not life...at least not for me.  I want to build my empire, to do something everyday that I'm proud of and did on my own.  I also want a life that can support the grounds to build a loving family. 

I really don't know how to make Akira understand this...I have said it to him over and over again...and since I'm naive and since I've never been married....I'd really like some advice...because the worrying over the move to Japan, that now I refuse to do, is stressing me out so bad that I haven't eaten in two days.

And I'm hyper as ever.  I even cleaned the house this morning before going to work. 

I'm in flight mode...because the fight mode isn't working....

Yellow brick road

For those of you who got a peak at my low point and my snapping point congrats I have found my sanity once more.  It just got to be so much with his family acting nuts and work and then for him to pull a really demeaning sexual stunt on me just really threw me over the edge.

Nothing is resolved yet but I have made it extremely clear that I'm not a toy, that the dirty mags and hags and porn have there time and place and are not to be mixed or confused with me.  I even told him I'd get a pole installed if that's what he needed....but that over my dead body would I move to Japan and live with his family while he's jobless and over my dead body will I allow to be bossed around and used.  

I'm reasonable, you wanna live in Japan okay....we need jobs and a home.  We have jobs and a home here we need equal or better in order to justify a move....otherwise he is not ready to be a husband.   I am his family I am his main concern, if he doesn't want to man up to that, then he can go home to mommy.

I love akira with every part in me I love him....he just needs a reality check.

There's the door

I have no issues leaving... In fact I just left to get some m&m.... Mom and margaritas.... Akira is such an asshole

Strike Three....Out One

So...like I said we are working with Akira's company installing some stuff for him...and it was suppose to be 1 store and then plus 60 or so more.  A great account right?  Nice of him right?....well...when we quote, it's not a quote, it's the flat rate price.  We don't do that bs contracting beating around the bushes because this is my company God damnit and I don't have time for bullshit.

....so I quoted Akira $3800....which is half of what any other company out there would give for this kind of job.  He got another contractor quoting him AT LEAST $2600...meaning they will double that once the job is done because...hey...that's contractors for you.

I told Akira all of this, and literally 5 min later I got this email....

Hey honey,

Don’t know if you saw this but this was the site that the new POS company (Micros) gave us.

When we were talking with Micros, they had a bracket that they used to supply for the KDS Monitors(see attached),

but apparently the part got discontinued and they “are still looking for a vendor to supply brackets and ceiling mounts”.

The vendor below was the one they referred us to – but we don’t know if they supply the one we need.

I think we will be fine with the quote for La Habra, but like I said, for the 2^nd store out it may be a bit difficult to keep going custom made.

It was decided today that we have you guys install this one but the construction crew will most likely take care of the rest.

I understand the work has to get started ASAP and you need the 50% prior to installment.

Please send us both invoices and I will have the IT department take care of the rest.

Thank you for your help!

Love,

Akira

_______________

First off, the construction company is a lie.  He's going to use another contractor for the rest.  If he was going to use the construction crew for the rest, he would use them for this project as well.

Once again....I really really hate how stupid men think I am.

It's a great price, and I think I deserve to make some money off a company that has made my life hell because Akira is basically their bitch which makes me Akira's bitch waking up at 3am to cook him dinner or something.

Fine.

You don't want to help us...fine....it's now my personal goal to fucking triple our profits by the time I leave without a single finger lifted from Akira.  Which is fine because we've been going strong without his help anyway.

You see this family....that's in my store an that's my family.  I'm my own damn mofia.

like I said before....I don't need pity jobs.  I'm about to get some blood all over these high heels.

Had some sugar and finished my cry

I know this all seems stupid and immature...

I just try so hard.   I mean, I really put my all into this relationship. I never cooked or cleaned or put on sexy outfits until I got with Akira.

I found all the above a bit demeaning when it's just solely one person's role to do those....chores...I guess.  Not that I never did those things, I grew up on a farm in Alabama so I'm like a master cleaner and an okay cook...and I try my best to get better at it all every single day. 

That includes sex.

I get it.  Japanese men are pervs and Japan is really indifferent to their insane sex industry...I get it.

I got the mags for him because I FELT BAD for not allowing strip clubs or hostess bars or anything like that because he's use to that stuff being fine and okay.  But it's not okay.  So I gave in an inch....porn.

Porn is okay.

Better then actual cheating.  Fine, you need an outlet, here's some porn. 

But to then take what I gave and rub my nose in it like I'm some kind of dog....

It's just mean.

Those outfits are not comfortable.  Thongs are not comfortable.  Waking up early and working out is not fun.  Cooking isn't something I enjoy and cleanig isn't either.   But I do it...for him.  He works 16 hour days....I try my best to make home as inviting as I can because I want to keep him home. 

I keep the sex going anytime, anywhere he wants it, as often as I can....because I want him to stay home.  And damnit, there's a lot of shit out there in the world and I'm not going to lose to some cheap piece of trash with no proper upbringing.  I have great breeding, my great great aunt wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin, my father worked for NASA, I have cousins who are sentors and my uncle is VP for the largest military company in the world.  On top of that Dad's family was minor royality in Iran (that's how my great grand father was governing one of the states in Iran) and my grandmother was sold into marriage slarvery at 11 years old because she was so beautiful, then the governer bought her, educated her, and well...that shit sticks.  I'm a lady.  I'm right down elegnant when my temper isn't being written down.  You can't even tell when I'm upset because God forbid I don't act lady like.

So for this lady to act like a sex slave piece of trash along with acting like a maid....then....to watch the man I love drag around a porn mag like a baby blanket while I walk past him in heels and lacy panties and don't even get a peck on the check for it....

Hell breaks loose.

I'm so pissed off.....I really wish I could just leave work early, take Dad's plane and fly until I stop shaking. 

it just hurts.  i don't understand how men don't understand how it hurts.

On top of that, I'm on the diet from Hell to try to please akira's family who won't even ACKNOWLEDGE ME!

I got the fucking prince of Saudi Arabia follow me around for YEARS and try to convince me over and over that he's a changed man and that I was a woman he wanted to see as a wife...but you know...for the S family...I'm just some fat white American girl who isn't fit for the family or for even finding out about.

Some people man.... 

It's been a lot of pride swallowing lately for me, and I'm about to snap.  I just hope to get this trip done as fast so I can go back to eating and blinking back tears from how insensitive men can get....

Porn

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Me Love You Long Time

I did a mistake I think....sexually....

Yesterday I wore under my little black dress....a full on set of naughty underwear...from the belted tight stockings, to laced pink and black bra-thong set...to four inch lace high heels....

I wore that crap all day long under my dress (I sent Akira pics of course to let him stew about it during the day...which he did).

Anyhow, Akira got off early, came to my office and brought me a box of Japanese treats...along with some nice bath stuff. 

Really sweet right? 

Very sweet.

So anyhow, the night progresses and well...he finished and passed out...and I was well...not done....

So I stayed awake until about 3am just as pissed off as I could be cause I really wasn't finished....it had been weeks since we've had rockin sex like that...I was blind folded and tied up...everything.  I worked that shit. 

So at 3am I go to the bathroom to just...well..deal with it myself, when out pops a beatle and I scream like bloody murder waking Akira up.  The poor guy...I let him have it.  I poured myself a glass of wine and just told him he was selfish, that he just passed out after all that...and the poor guy...he really didn't deserve that.  I rarely climax during sex.  I enjoy sex mainly for the closeness of it, but I really really insecure during the act of it...for some reason. 

But yeah...I feel horrible about how I tore into him.  And what an awful thing to do to a man...to shoot him down sexually...I may as well have cut off his balls while I was at it.

He's not selfish at all. 

So I came back into the room and started thanking him for everything, and telling him I was sorry that it was just really bad timing (it was), and that he's super generous with me...but...that it's nice to have stuff and things...I just missed him.  Which is true.  I really miss Akira when he goes into major work mode.  Dinners and trips and stuff...that's all fun...but....the best thing he can do is just hold me, love me, make love to me...like all the time, lol.  We could live in a box but as long as he was all over me, it's all good to me.  His kisses literally make me dizzy.  I love him like crazy.

I feel awful that I did that...I've said sorry to him over and over...but....I think the only thing that will fix it is if he succeeds a few times with me sexually...so I've got to get over my fear.   I get worried that I make weird faces...or that I'm too loud...or something I do will turn him off. 

But the blind folding last night...actually relaxes me...so...

He took a picture of me to show me what he sees during it cause I'm worried I look weird...and I still look weird...but at least he likes it. 

I love him so much...I just can't believe I couldn't keep my mouth shut....poor guy.  The last thing he needs right now is for me to pop the shit out of his ego bubble.  He needs the ego bubble right now.

I need to figure out how to restore it....so....any tips???

Maybe I should act super helpless this weekend... I dunno...  I want to get him a gift, but even that I doubt would do the trick. I have one more new naughty outfit yet to use...

Another blah blog post

You know....seven years of co-owning your own company...

It's going to suck ass to work for someone else besides myself.

*sigh*

I'm sure I'll make more money though...I hope....otherwise...life is a joke.

Akira is working with someone everyday *including weekends* for the next seven weeks....a girl he has had sex dreams about.  he made the mistake of telling who she was cause it made me remember the first week I spent with him he told me about this dream that made him feel extremely gulity.

I'm just going to try to write it off. 

She's jewish married to an Afghani guy anyway with three kids....she's tall and blonde (of course she's blonde...) 32 with three kids.  So..from what my mother has told me she's a bit of a pill to work with...but Akira, as usual, seems to be getting along well with her...

Just trying to keep my distance on that...I'll see her at the soft opeing anyway.

Other than that....

Akira took me to the sex store after we had a huge fight about him bossing me around all the time Friday (which made us lose our date that night)...actually he went on a major shopping spree this weekend, just getting a ton of stuff for the apartment.  I got stuff for the pets lol...at Unleashed which was horribly expensive...but...

So Monday I sent him some naughty pics in the outfits he got me, which he actually replied to positivitly...which has never happened...so...

I'm just aping up the sexy since I'm on a diet and feeling lighter.

anyhow...

Nothing besides work has been really going on.  We are suppose to take a trip to Kernville again for hot springing, tubing down the river, camping and meteor shower gazing...but since our last trip went to shit...I'm trying hard to not get overly excited.

Naseem (the half Japanese half Persian girl) is going to be in Japan the same time I will be...so that's good news! 

Least I have somewhere to run away to. 

Anyone have any good dieting tips?  Mainly on how to deal with hunger pains?

AHHHHHHH! I"M GONNA PUNCH EVERYONE AT WORK!

I swear, today has been an annoying day of old Persian men just yacking Dad's ears off....to angry customers to techs with major attitudes.  Makes me want to belt all of them on the ass for acting like such jerks.

Sometimes....I really miss working with women....sometimes.

Either way I usually get looked over...I'm not scary enough to enforce anytime unless I feel like getting sued (I threw coffee at one tech one time because he started commenting on my personal life...he's now my stepuncle...as luck would have it...we're getting along much better now, but back then man...I was like ice). 

Anyhow...

I'm too annoyed and I'm at work...which isn't helping me calm down...

*so...three hours has passed by since I started this post*

So I'm better now.

But I have no clue what I was going to write about.

I took some pics today cause I was bored, but I think I should just post them when they mean something cause otherwise that's just vain...

So thank you for reaading my meaningless post!

Boy was I cranky yesterday....

I'm a little better now....I get extremely nervous about things I can't plan...or prepare myself for...Akira's planning usually never involves details...and since I can't even make a real plan for going over there because I have zero clue about what I'm about to get into...I feel like I'm walking on a high rope completely blind....with friends and family telling me where to step next and Akira holding me telling me to walk.  I get pretty nervous.  I get worried about being replaced by a Japanese girl...or how I'll be handicapped career wise over in Japan....in fact the work part upsets me so bad that sometimes on my way to work now I'll just cry.  I can't picture myself not working.   It's truly one of the few things that keeps me sane is to always have a job. 

I got a few emails for some of you...and let me just say...thank you soooooo much....they made me feel a lot better and were full of amazing advice <3  The thing that assures me is that everyone pretty much said similar things about my MIL ordeal and coping with Akira's corkiness.  I really should be more confident in everything...and these emails really really helped me <3  Please, I'm looking for any kind of advice or anything to prepare myself for what I'm about to get involved in....and I'm pretty damn scared and it's hard for me to get excited about leaving everyone and everything I love here....even if it's just for a few years...and even that can easily be extended...There's nothing but my desire to live in the States that can bring us back.

Anyhow....I just want to say thank you to everyone out there...I didn't realize how many people were reading this....sorry about my awful grammer and spelling.  I write fast and never check or edit...though I should start to do that...

____________

In other news....I found out what senna leaf is.....my green tea had quite the kick....

You know...I can't move I think...

Massive diet time....

Diets suck.  I don't understand how there can be 7 billion people in the world and not a one of them has figured out a pill system that just gets rid of food all together (like Star Terk or Buck Rodgers...oooh scifi...<3 )  or at least a pill that allows you to eat as much as you want and sorts out the bad stuff....

Anyhow...I'm using natural engery pills, green sliming tea (which smells like Vicks Vapor rub for some reason...) and good old Ramadan. 

As a result, I am one cracky bitch who is overly protective of my clear gummy bears (allowed in diet...) 

Why the sudden crash diet?  Well..I am going to Japan the second week of Sept....and I think we are getting hitched actually (courthouse as well...speeds up the visa process if we just get hitched in both areas) ...AND...I won't be staying at Akira's house because one, I think his mom hates me with a passion and two...Akira's sister's fiance is staying (I was invited first, but what the fuck ever) so there won't be room for me.

That's fine.

You know why?  Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to fucking hate it there.  I just pray we are back in the States when I'm 30.  I'm sooooooo....not excited anymore.

Anyhow, I'm 140 pounds...and I need to drop to around 128-125 pounds in the next six weeks...which is completely possible...just horrible to deal with....

But that'll put me at a size 2 (European) cause I swear if Akira's family thinks I'm fat someone is gonna get hurt cause at 140 I look completely normal (thank you height).

So here's the before.....hopefully my arms and tummy will get smaller....I also plan to walk a lot...and hike a ton on the weekends....

*sigh* 

Fucking diets.  You men better appericate this shit.